CHENNAI: Arjun Babuta is on a journey of self discovery at the moment. The pendulum has seemingly made a massive swing in his life. The shooter from Punjab had experienced pure agony not so long ago, having narrowly missed out on his life-long dream (an Olympic medal) during the Paris Games. It's been close to two months since that event unfolded and he's still dumbfounded, especially given that he had 'emptied his tank'.
The level of impact that result has had on him is notable. Having held the rifle for the first time since that outcome just a few days ago, he does not like the idea of shooting a 10m air rifle event for now. "What I have been able to process is that I gave my 100 per cent, my tanks were empty. I gave so much that I don't want to hold my rifle as of now.
There are too many emotions at the moment. I'm either looking to shoot a crazy eight, nine hours a day or I don't want to do it at all," the 2022 Changwon World Cup gold winner said.
"So I'm still just trying to process everything and get used to this change. There's definitely a change in me after the Olympics and I think I just need to get used to this new self and try to learn more about myself," the 25-year-old added.
Given that he had invested all his energy going into the Games and given the harsh outcome of finishing fourth, his predicament is understandable. He's just trying to make sense of his recent past before devising concrete plans for the future. "The last three, four months have been crazy and we were involved in a lot of travelling and I just want to find peace time, alone time to process everything, assess everything and see where life is heading," he said.
Arjun might be struggling to obtain answers but he's also mindful of the effort that he has put in from his side. "But overall, I'm proud of the way I played. I missed a medal by a whisker but fourth is also a thing to be proud of. And somebody had to finish fourth and it was me," the 2023 Asian Championships silver medallist assessed.
Despite being unable to infiltrate the bottom of the matter, he's not looking to force the issue and with the guidance of the people around him, he's looking to take things slow.
"I started shooting two days back and I'm training at the 50m range because I just don't want to do 10m at the moment. 50m is something I can explore and I'm working on it right now," Arjun, who is taking part in the All-Indian Railway Shooting meet in Jaipur, noted.
His outlook towards life and the sport might be evolving but his mantra remains the same. He's intent on enjoying the sport. "That day (Olympic final) doesn't define what kind of shooter I am. I have been good and I'm still good and there's much more to come in the future. I'll try to take a break after the World Cup final. Right now I just want to enjoy the process, the mantra that I have been following for the past few years. And that process helped me maintain my creativity."
Fortunately, Arjun, who is supported by Olympic Gold Quest, has the ideal support system - his parents, coaches, sports science team - to navigate this tricky phase. They have constantly lent their ears in order to help him. Arjun, on his part, is mindful that he needs to maintain a certain level of discipline to remain in the game.
As he grapples to get a better understanding of his recent past, music is something that has appealed to his senses. "I'm trying to learn harmonium and I also bought a tabla. I played it in Gurudwara for three years before shooting. I'm trying to learn new things and also stay connected with shooting."
After the Railways meet, Arjun is set to take part in the upcoming ISSF World Cup Final, which is set to be held in New Delhi next month. With the never-ending backing of coach Deepali Deshpande, he's aiming for a stress-free experience then.
"Deepali ma'am asked me to take a break from 10m and she told me 'if you don't want to do it (shoot 10m), don't do it'. After the World Cup final, I'll definitely take a break. Even right now, she asked me not to stress about the upcoming competition and just try and enjoy it. Recovery, especially the mental side, is much more important at the moment."
This current phase might be a new territory for Arjun but he has had his share of challenges in the past. He'll be hoping to get clarity as soon as possible and return stronger.