BENGALURU: The arms which were once considered the safest in the world, to protect, caress and embrace, can take a life. Home, an abode of security and comfort, can turn into a crime arena. Every other day, we hear of men killing wives, or getting killed by one’s wife, sometimes with the help of a paramour. Quite often, a woman is brutally murdered, and even chopped into pieces by her live-in partner. T
he crime doesn’t end with disturbing murders. Many of the accused die by suicide after killing their loved ones. When love becomes lethal, crime enters the home, but what is fuelling these murders by loved ones?
Mental health experts say multiple reasons are leading to intimate partner violence or homicide, and it can be both sudden and gradual. They say there should be increased awareness, warning signs should be identified and addressed. They also suggest that the government must treat intimate partner homicide as both mental health and law enforcement issues.
Dr Shilpi Saraswat, clinical psychologist at Sakra World Hospital, Bengaluru, said there may be multiple factors that push an individual to murder a loved one.
“The sudden impulsive behaviour could be due to underlying mental health issues, which are often unattended. It could be because of personality disorders, emotional dysregulation and other factors. When a person lacks emotional regulation, he/she is overwhelmed with feelings, and as a result, we see extreme reactions. Substance abuse makes things worse, it leads to poor judgment and the person fails to make the right decisions,” Dr Shilpi said.
Professor of Psychiatry and Head of Forensic Psychiatry unit, National Institute of Mental Health and Neuro Sciences, Dr Suresh Bada Math said, “Murders within close relationships usually arise from interpersonal conflicts, control, jealousy, revenge, abuse and sudden impulses. Financial strain, social pressures, peer pressure, family factors, illiteracy and cultural dynamics act as triggers in vulnerable individuals.”
Dr Suresh said these factors get accentuated when the couple marries outside the socio-economic-religious community background, which weakens the protection net for both partners. He said alcohol, drugs and substance use often magnify risks by impairing judgment, lowering inhibition and increasing aggression.
“They worsen pre-existing domestic violence, personality traits and can trigger psychotic or paranoid states,” he said.
On whether the intention to murder a loved one is impulsive or built up over a period of time, Dr Suresh said, “Intimate partner violence or homicide can be both sudden and gradual. Impulsive acts emerge from acute rage, personality issues, intoxication or provocation. Gradual acts stem from sustained conflict, abuse or psychiatric illness, at times with warning signs. In most cases, close evaluation shows a background of escalating tension rather than a completely spontaneous act. However, it is very difficult to predict human behaviour.”
Warning signs include irritability, anger, violence, escalating aggression, morbid jealousy, suspicion, substance misuse and threats of harm, Dr Suresh said.
Main causes are infidelity, finance
“If we look at the latest incidents, there are many reasons for murder, but the most common ones are suspected or actual infidelity of the spouse and fights over finances,” said Maya Annie Elias, senior therapist, Nirmaya Counselling Centre.
She said in most cases, the instinct to murder is a gradual build-up. “Suspicion, anger or abuse usually start on a small scale and escalate to more aggravated levels, resulting in serious physical assault or even murder. In some cases, there could be a triggering event, for example, a financial demand not met, or proof of a spouse’s infidelity,” Maya explained.
“Sadly, even today, men often hold the power to control their spouses, whether it is about their job, finances, or even what they wear. This has been culturally normalised. Women, too, resort to violence, but most of the time it is as retaliation after repeated abuse. In some cases, women are also seen to act out of anger or revenge in response to their spouse’s behaviour, or indulge in such gruesome acts for financial and other gains,” she said.
Impact on kids
Globally, men kill wives or partners far more often than the reverse. The impact on children in such families is devastating, leaving them with trauma, mental health struggles, and a higher risk of repeating cycles of violence, Maya said. “Sometimes, it is not about a disorder at all, it can simply be that the person has reached his/her threshold and is unable to cope with difficult situations, for example, cases of repeated physical abuse,” she said.
There may be warning signs early on in a relationship, even if subtle. Jealousy and suspicion may show up as checking a spouse’s phone or social media accounts, and making comments about it, Maya said.
On the warning signs to note, Maya said, “Verbal abuse often comes before physical abuse, which then escalates from slaps to beatings and even threats with weapons. Extreme controlling behaviour, stalking, are all warning signs. Early counselling or therapy is important for both couples and individuals.”
Maya stressed that medical professionals must screen for signs of abuse during routine checkups and refer people to support services, and added that family and friends have to play a key role by offering timely support.
Remedies to violence
“Remedies involve timely psychiatric care, de-addiction treatment, couple counselling, marital counselling, family support and crisis intervention. Individual therapy and treatment for alcohol and drug use. Legal measures and protective services safeguard victims during high-risk phases. Community and family support with vigilance is crucial, as early recognition and reporting save lives,” said Dr Suresh, adding that at times predicting human behaviour is simply impossible.
“Key actions include strengthening legal protection, creating easy access to mental health and de-addiction services, and crisis intervention systems such as one-stop centres. These centres need to be adequately equipped, trained, resourced and ready to support the survivors,” he added.
Both Dr Suresh and Maya batted for awareness campaigns, education programmes regarding gender sensitisation, voice against violence, swift punishment of the perpetrators and mass education to help prevent violence escalation at the community level.
Research, data-driven policies and cross-sector collaboration ensure sustainable prevention. Victims/survivors need to know the available helpline, such as Tele-Manas (14416), NGOs and governmental agencies. “Law enforcement agencies and healthcare personnel must be trained to inquire about domestic violence and mandatory reporting of domestic violence (similar to POCSO Act) can be a way forward,” Dr Suresh said.