'Glimmers' of hope in the times of triggers
Nasty honking in traffic, the scent of perfume, a jarring musical note, an unpleasant film scene, or even an offhand comment — sometimes, the smallest things can stir something deep within us.
A fleeting moment can awaken memories of past wounds, the fear of being misjudged, or the weight of an unresolved experience. Or just plain anger and disgust.
In the midst of everyday chaos, it’s common to hear about people getting triggered. Triggers bring with them an uneasy sensation that runs from the heart to the head, to one’s nervous system.
This can manifest as cold feet, an increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, and emotions such as anger, fear, anxiety, and stress.
“Experiencing triggers, or even just mentioning the word, has become quite common these days. Enquiries about triggers are a daily occurrence,” says Gadha Puthenpurakkal, a consultant psychologist at Wellness Whisperer.
“Most of the trigger cases often arise in relationships, especially when you share a home. People’s reactions to triggers can vary. Some suppress them, while others react outwardly.”
However, these reactions are not necessarily directed at the person causing the trigger. Instead, Gadha notes, they are a response to the discomfort we feel in our bodies.
“The sensation often reminds us of past insults or similar remarks. What we need to do is address the triggers, explore why they bother us so much, and understand how to respond constructively,” she says.
Dr Arun B Nair, professor of psychiatry at Government Medical College, Thiruvananthapuram, says triggers are often linked to past experiences. “A person with a strong negative schema — a belief system that can cause people to focus on negative aspects of life — that person could end up perceiving more triggers. This is probably due to negative experiences in their childhoods,” he says.
“When they get triggered, they connect it with a past negative experience, this activates the sympathetic nervous system which leads to fright, flight, or fight response, setting off symptoms like rapid heartbeat, preparing for danger.”
Dr Arun explains why ‘trigger’ has become a commonplace term these days. “We are in a phase of social disconnection. People are increasingly withdrawing from real-life interactions and immersing themselves in the virtual world,” he says.
“In the past, face-to-face interactions exposed us to unpleasant situations, but through experiential learning, we came to understand that such moments and emotions were temporary. Now, as we withdraw into digital crannies, we are more likely to get more exposed to negative or traumatic content, and the feelings often go unresolved.”
Enter glimmer
Living in a constant state of hyper-vigilance and feeling overwhelmed, the ideas of ‘living in the moment’ or ‘seizing the day’ can seem out of reach for many. While trying to make sense of life’s challenges, it’s easy to overlook the small, everyday moments.
In a world full of triggers, wellness gurus are now advocating the importance of finding one’s ‘glimmers’ — the ‘micro moments’ that bring one joy. On social media, people are posting those glimmers that people generally fail to absorb. Like the soft glow of sun rays on water, a fresh bloom, warmth of a cup of coffee, two people having a delightful conversation, an act of kindness, a dog playing in the grass, a toddler blowing bubbles….
The term ‘glimmer’ was used in this context first by Deb Dana, a clinical social worker based in Australia. In her 2018 book, The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy, she defined glimmers as moments that help regulate the body, cueing the nervous system to feel safe or calm.
“We are wired to respond more intensely to negative experiences than equally intense positive ones,” she writes. “We have to actively look for, take notice of, and keep track of these moments, or micro-moments, of safety and connection that are our glimmers. Otherwise, they can easily pass by us.”
Experts say that tiny moments of joy can help build the capacity to manage unprocessed traumas and challenges in a different way. “A glimmer is essentially the opposite of a trigger,” says a Mayo Clinic article.
“A glimmer sparks a sense of joy or safety. Identifying these moments can help regulate our nervous systems which can often be trapped in a heightened state due to overstimulation.”
Finding your glimmer
Glimmers are subjective. And, one’s glimmer can be another’s trigger. It is up to individuals to determine what brings them a sense of awe or joy.
“When a person experiences glimmer, it is not a situation where one feels overjoyed, it’s more like a sense of well-being,” Dr Arun explains. “When we experience glimmer, the parasympathetic nervous system is activated, helping the body relax and calm down.”
He notes that a similar experience is also associated with practices such as ‘gratitude visit’. “Most therapies encourage journalling the small things in life one is grateful for,” he adds.
For some, glimmers might be a place they love – it could be a museum, the beach, or a cozy cafe. It could also be a feeling or sensory experience – like the sound of birds chirping, a thoughtful gesture from someone, soothing music, or a soft smile. “You know you have found your glimmer when it makes you pause, giving you a sense of connectedness,” says life coach Dhanya Rajagopal. “To identify your glimmer, try journalling the things that genuinely make you happy, make you feel at ease.”
Glimmers don’t have to be constant, she adds. They can change depending on what one is going through. “For some, it might be window shopping, for others, it might be simply feeling productive at work,” Dhanya explains.
“The key is to make finding glimmers a habit. This will give one a feeling of prioritising self and doing things to make oneself happy. By making it a regular practice, one would get triggered less over time.”
Evoking the sense of joy
For those who struggle to identify their glimmers, Dr Arun suggests evoking feelings by reconnecting with memories. “For example, close your eyes and revisit your childhood,” he says.
“For many, it was a carefree, untroubled time. Those were days of pure joy, often forgotten as we grow older. Imagine losing all of it in an instant – if the thought makes you sad, then those childhood memories and things associated with that might be your glimmer.”
Toxic positivity?
When glimmers are all about the shift in mindset to recognise the bright side, some confuse the concept with toxic positivity, which is an escape from reality, without addressing the underlying issue.
Glimmers, however, are just a sweet break from one’s uncomfortable emotions. “A little joy and relaxation can reduce one’s emotional distress. This can help one think logically,” says Gadha.
“An act becomes self sabotage, when it gives short term relief and long-term dissatisfaction. But glimmers are subtle moments, not self-destructive behaviour. As long as you are not trying to escape from reality, glimmers are good. The key is to acknowledge your triggers before moving toward these moments of joy – it’s this balance that makes it a positive practice.”