Athulya and Vipanchika have become familiar names in Kerala now. Social media is flooded with outrage, sympathy, murder theories, and, of course, the question: “Why didn’t she walk out?”
On July 19, Athulya was found dead in her flat in Sharjah, which she shared with her husband, Satheesh. She was supposed to join her new job on that day.
A day before the alleged suicide, she had sent her friend videos of her husband physically abusing and threatening her. Some reports say she had earlier approached the Sharjah police with complaints of domestic violence.
Athulya’s parents allege she had been subjected to domestic violence since 2014, when she married Satheesh. Now, the Chavara police have registered a case against Satheesh under multiple sections.
Notably, the incident happened days after the death of 32-year-old Vipanchika Maniyan and her 18-month-old daughter. As per forensic reports, Vipanchika died by hanging after suffocating her child.
The murder-suicide, too, was allegedly linked to domestic violence. Her family alleges that she was repeatedly subjected to physical and emotional abuse. A suicide note recovered from her apartment names her husband, Nidheesh Mohan, and his family as responsible for her death.
These are not isolated incidents. Deaths by suicide due to alleged domestic violence continue to be regularly reported.
In April, Jisemol — a High Court lawyer and former president of Mutholy panchayat in Kottayam — allegedly died by suicide along with her children, Neha (5) and Ponnu (1).
According to her parents, who have filed a complaint with the chief minister, she was subjected to repeated abuse at home.
After preliminary investigation, police took her husband Jimmy Joseph and father-in-law into custody.
In February, 42-year-old Shiny died by suicide by jumping in front of a train with her children, Aleena and Evan, in Ettumanoor. Police suspect domestic violence, and her husband Noby was arrested on charges of abetment of suicide.
These are just a few examples. According to National Crime Records Bureau data, 25,197 women died by suicide due to marriage-related issues between 2017 and 2022.
In 2022, over 52 per cent of female suicide victims were married women.
While the picture is grim and the data damning, the situation on the ground remains unchanged.
“This same kind of discussion happened four years ago, when the Vismaya case was reported. That too was due to harassment and abuse over dowry demands,” says psychiatrist Dr C J John, who has been vocal about the disturbing trend.
“However, beyond the debates and outpouring of reactionary concerns, nothing has changed on the ground.”
People always point to patriarchy and male dominance, he observes.
“Discussions shouldn’t end there. That’s what we need to work on. First thing that should change is the common usage of ‘marrying off’ a woman,” adds Dr John.
The parents of many of these women are now fighting cases against the alleged perpetrators — including the parents of Uthara, who was allegedly murdered by her husband using a venomous snake — another incident that created a huge public outcry.
But then, why are such incidents repeating again and again? The issue lies in the fact that the show of concern is often only reactionary, says lawyer J Sandhya.
“People are concerned only momentarily, and especially when the woman has already died. If support had been available when these women were alive, they wouldn’t have found their situation so hopeless as to take such extreme measures,” she says.
“Recent cases point to a bleak scenario, where women die along with their children. Imagine the pressure and struggle she must face to reach the point where a woman kills her children.”
Dr John adds that such deaths will decrease if women receive societal and, most importantly, parental support when in “uncomfortable marriages”. “The word ‘adjust’ shouldn’t be used when a woman is in a toxic marriage. But that is the favourite word of parents, relatives and neighbours,” he points out.
“‘You have to adjust a bit… such things happen in marriages… you have children….’ These kinds of statements push women deeper into danger, and enable men to continue the abuse unabated.”
Echoing the observation, Sandhya recalls a recent case she handled. A woman who was repeatedly and violently abused by her husband was seeking separation. She and her three children fled home when the husband threatened her with a knife. “The youngest was so scared she constantly clung to her mother,” says Sandhya.
“But when the case reached court, it was sent to mediation. At mediation, the husband promised he wouldn’t drink again or abuse her. The mediator asked the woman, ‘Can’t you adjust a bit and go back to his home?’ This is what a woman who wants to escape domestic abuse faces in reality.”
‘Divorce better than death’
Parents, society, and women themselves must be able to identify that staying in an uncomfortable or toxic marriage is not necessary, says Dr John.
“Divorce is better than death. Parents should stand with their daughters rather than be concerned about outside noise, whether from religious institutions or society at large.
Though not easy, that is the first step. Identify red flags and react immediately. If the husband and family won’t change, it’s better to walk out,” he asserts.
Another part of the solution lies in treating domestic abuse as a heinous crime. “But often that doesn’t happen,” points out DIG Ajeetha Begum.
“Sometimes, even the woman herself just wants the abuse to stop, and to continue the marriage. Moreover, families are ashamed to report such incidents to the police,” she says.
If cases are handled properly and legally, the number of such incidents would reduce considerably, says the IPS officer.
“There should be training available to police, protection officers, and even counsellors to handle domestic violence cases with sensitivity. Instead of simply asking the woman to adjust and save the marriage, the priority should be to ensure she is protected,” she adds.
Proper preliminary inquiry, appropriate counselling, and prompt legal action when abuse — mental or physical — is repeated, would help improve the ground situation, says Ajeetha.
Recently, she took part in an adalat conducted in Thiruvananthapuram to address reported domestic violence cases. Organised by the women and child development department, it was attended by NGOs, police, and government officials.
“I saw even elderly women undergoing domestic violence at home. One woman told me that when she approached a policewoman, the officer said, ‘Even I go through the same at home, so what’s new in it?’ So, sensitising all stakeholders concerned is imperative,” says Ajeetha.
Recently, a statewide domestic violence prevention council has been formed by NGOs such as Sakhi, Anweshi and Mochita, the Sastra Sahithya Parishad, and Kudumbashree. Sandhya, who is part of this movement, calls for more social awareness.
“First, society needs to wake up to the fact that it’s not okay for a man to slap or beat his wife,” she says. “That’s an outdated belief that is still internalised by a large section of people. The law, judiciary, and government systems must work together. And awareness should be spread through cultural and educational institutions.”