Internet denizens are certain to have come across at least one poster about June being observed as Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month. While most may have simply scrolled past it, a few might have extended the benevolence of leaving a ‘like’ or sharing the post.
But awareness seldom translates into urgency, especially at a time when there is seasonal angst: unrelenting rains and back-to-school chaos amid a thousand other everyday pressures. Men’s mental health rarely makes it to the list of societal concerns.
Stats, however, demand urgent attention. Here is a stark sample: according to the State Crime Records Bureau, the male-to-female suicide ratio in Kerala stands at 80:20. In 2023 alone, of the 10,972 suicides reported, 8,811 were men.
Suppression syndrome
This disparity is no anomaly. Emotional suppression and stoicism, considered by many as the cornerstones of traditional masculinity, create the perfect storm for internalised distress. And this issue isn’t just about men — it’s more about the men in the making.
A boy’s relationship with vulnerability is forged early. From childhood, many boys are subtly nudged to trade sensitivity for toughness. It’s a deal that often costs many their internal emotional stability.
“Traditional gender roles dictate how a boy should behave,” says Dr C J John, a senior psychiatrist at Medical Trust Hospital in Kochi. “They are taught that expressing emotions, crying, or feeling low is feminine. They suppress. That suppression often grows into depression or behavioural disorders.”
On the other hand, he adds, girls are more likely to receive “structured emotional guidance” during crucial developmental stages such as menarche. Boys, in contrast, are left to fend for themselves.
“Generally, there’s a dangerous assumption that boys will figure it out on their own,” Dr John points out. “Moreover, from a young age, boys internalise the idea that speaking out about their problems makes them weak. So very few seek help.”
Dr Arun B Nair, professor of psychiatry at Government Medical College, Thiruvananthapuram, echoes the same view as he highlights a problematic parental pattern. “Many parents emotionally distance themselves from sons during adolescence to avoid discussing ‘uncomfortable’ topics like sexuality or aggression. This vacuum is exactly what needs to be addressed,” he stresses.
By the time they reach college, a sense of “guardedness” gets deeply ingrained in boys, says Anu Bejoy, former Jeevani counsellor at Union Christian College, Aluva. “However, once that guard is brought down, many open up. I recall several boys revealing family tensions, especially about a distant or demanding father,” she says.
“Some had taken up part-time jobs instead of asking for money at home. But the stress of work started affecting their academics. That’s another factor to be noted. Breadwinner expectations take root early in boys.”
Friends & family
For many boys, friendships once used to be a source of camaraderie and solace. That cushioning, apparently, has been shrinking. A history undergraduate, who has been battling depression, shares how he got isolated after sharing his inner woes: “We mostly talk about films, cars, girls…. Once when I tried to open up, my friends got visibly uncomfortable. I changed the topic quickly. Everyone behaved as if nothing was wrong.”
Dr Arun agrees: “Two decades ago, friendships buffered emotional stress. Not anymore. The digital revolution has pushed many boys into isolated online worlds. They have retreated into shells, and it’s stunting emotional growth.”
What about familial support? Well, unfortunately, even the most loving parents stumble here. “The Netflix series Adolescence illustrated this,” Dr John notes. “Most parents are often unaware of what their children are dealing with.”
He also highlights an imbalance in parental and social conditioning. While many women have become informed and empowered, men remain caught between outdated norms and biology. “Parents should help boys understand their hormonal makeup. Risk-taking and aggression are real — but need healthy channels. Instead, male aggression often receives social sanction, confusing boys further,” says Dr John. “We must teach boys to name their emotions — not hide or evade them.”
Akhila M S, a school counsellor, says many parents normalise boys’ problematic behaviour. “They assume boys are just being boys,” she says. “When counsellors raise concerns, they are often dismissed unless the problem is extreme.”
She adds that, in serious cases, referrals are made to district resource centres (DRCs), which include psychiatrists and psychologists. She recounts such a case: “I was asked to talk to a Class 10 boy, whose performance had dropped drastically after the pandemic. It took months for him to open up. He had gotten hooked on pornography during lockdown. That triggered severe anxiety about his body. He believed something was wrong with his genitalia. This turned into a two-year silent struggle, leading to suicidal thoughts. He hadn’t shared any of this with even his closest friends.”
That student got help. Many others don’t.
V T Prema, a counsellor at GHS Chalai in Thiruvananthapuram, underscores the need for safe emotional spaces. “Mental health awareness should begin early — and be non-gendered. Involving parents more actively in school counselling is key. Interventions at the right time prevent the escalation of emotional crises.”
Dr John recommends peer mentoring. “Train four or five emotionally healthy students in each class to look out for their peers. This approach is especially effective in tackling substance use and suicidality,” he notes.
Time to redefine masculinity?
According to Dr Arun, the first shift must be in parenting. “Just 30 minutes of undistracted, emotionally open conversation a day can make a world of difference,” he says. “It keeps the emotional bond alive, and helps parents stay aware of their child’s influences.”
He also calls for systemic changes. “Unicef identifies the ‘unhealthy triad’ in adolescence as substance abuse, risky sexual behaviour, and aggression,” he notes. “We need curriculum changes to tackle these.”
He recommends:
Activity-based life skills education from early school years.
At least 20 hours annually dedicated to mental health and emotional development.
Cyber and legal literacy woven into school programmes.
Training more adolescent counsellors and sensitising teachers.
Most importantly, Dr Arun says, “We must reframe gender itself. Boys must realise emotions aren’t a weakness. Sensitivity is strength — not antithetical to masculinity.”
Well, can traditional gender roles be dismantled so more boys feel safe expressing distress?
“It’s tough,” Dr John admits. “Especially when you are the dominant one. It’s a feel-good position.”
He points to how rigid social systems still uphold outdated ideas of male dominance. “Boys haven’t had enough opportunities to recalibrate with changing gender realities. It’s high time we redefined masculinity.”
Dr Arun says a shift is under way. “More boys are speaking up these days. Initiatives like Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month are sparking important conversations on some campuses. That’s progress,” he smiles. “No boy is born with a stigma about his mental health. It’s the society that creates that. So, you know what needs to change first.”