I was born near the southernmost tip of the country -- in a village not featured on maps -- as the fifth child to my parents. It was here that I grew up wearing the shirts of my elder brothers while sowing in the fields with them.
Like my village that failed to make it to the maps, I too existed without an identity for a long time playing multiple roles -- a daughter to my father, a little sister to my brothers, and after my marriage, a wife to my husband.
Until a few years ago, I was in search of an identity that broke free of the boundaries imposed upon me. But then to redeem ourselves from the shackles of caste, gender etc. and create an identity of our own is easier said than done.
I see my career as a process of regaining my identity. I wish to tell you a little about the workplace where I've ended up in my journey in this quest for an identity.
St Mary's Hospital stands tall and majestic at Podanur, part of the south zone in the city of Coimbatore.
The hospital is run by catholic nuns. The Managing Director of the hospital Dr Sr Rani Agnes, a dedicated medical practitioner, is like a mother to me.
At the entrance of the hospital block is the statue of Mother Mary. At any given time, one can see a group of people, either giving thanks or praying to heal their ailments. Whenever I pass this statue on my way to work in the mornings, I feel a calmness envelop me.
Since the majority of the staff are women, the premises radiate a feeling of safety. To watch nuns serving as doctors brings joy to the soul.
The hospital is equipped with all facilities and is popular for its gynaecology and nephrology departments.
The maternity department of the hospital is a "miracle", I would say. Dr Sr Cruz Mary should be credited with bringing smiles to the faces of women blessed with a child after the age of 40. She must be hailed too on behalf of the poor women who after undergoing IVF treatment return home with a child, beaming with maternal pride and with tears of joy streaming down their eyes.
I believe Motherhood and Childhood need to be experienced to be understood. I also feel that all those who love their own child should be able to love their neighbour's child.
A healthy body is a gift of God. But many of us, in the name of a "civilized" lifestyle, spoil our health by consuming alcohol, fast food and through smoking. But how unfair it is to see children, who despite not falling prey to these habits and lifestyles become victims of deadly diseases and go through a lot of suffering.
The silver lining is that such children and people with renal failure get a new lease of life at our hospital. Patients undergo dialysis at a low cost of a few hundred rupees. In the two years of my working here, I have seen many patients getting cured after undergoing treatment.
"What do you find in that work that you hesitate to give up your hospital job?" Sneha once asked me.
I maintained a stoic silence and never answered her. After her passing away, when I was confined to the four walls of the house, it was sister Agnes who called me and asked me to come to work from Monday. I answered with a "yes" and with that a glimmer of hope sprung up within me unknowingly.
Sneha's question popped up in my mind again. Why did I feel at home in this place?
It was true that after being lonely in the house for two weeks, I felt scared to go to work. I feared that as soon as I landed in the hospital everyone would come up to me and ask me questions that were best avoided.
I was surprised when my colleagues avoided uttering a word about my loss, and instead with grace and smiling faces eased me back into my work routine. I realised later that it was sister Agnes who had advised them to not put me in a spot by seeking explanations, and told them to be empathetic and help me carry on with my work forgetting my loss. The Sister had instructed the staff on how to receive me. How many will be this fortunate? After my daughter's death when my blood relatives tried to behave in a way detrimental to my dignity, at my workplace they took pains to protect my dignity. I realised here was the answer to Sneha's query.
Today, women are at work in all sectors. Some of them work harder than men and do exceedingly well. But when the whole atmosphere at the workplace happens to be toxic women are expected to handle the toxicity the same way a man does. If they fail, they are seen as "weak." The truth is that every workplace should be safe for all and caring. Nothing less is acceptable. There shouldn't be a competition on who is capable of coping with a difficult situation better. What would have happened to me if extraordinary courage was expected of me at my workplace?
13-year-old Risnudharan goes past me after successfully getting treatment for renal (both kidneys) failure. What would have happened to him if this hospital was not there? Pensively I look out through the window from the place where I sit -- at the small park and the flowers that have blossomed there. What would I have done in the absence of this hospital? Thankfully, I responded to Agnes Sister's call and came to work here. Thankfully, I chose a workplace that allows me to be me.
(Translated from Tamil by Gladwin Emmanuel.)