Overrated, life-changing: Getting pregnant and getting real
It was mostly annoyance at the air-brushed pregnancy books in the market that reduced having a baby to either some kind of ethereal, out-of-body experience or, on the other extreme, something excruciatingly clinical which got Lalita Iyer to pen her book.
“I desperately wanted to read something that reflected my state of mind during and after pregnancy, but found none. Kaz Cooke’s Rough Guide to Babies came closest to what I’d have liked to read, but it was in a different milieu. I wanted to let mothers-to-be, mothers-never to-be, fathers-to-be and the seminally petrified know what the reality of pregnancy was all about, and that it was neither cathartic nor the end of the world, but simply the most life-transforming event on a very personal, introspective and individual level,” says Iyer, managing editor, Filmfare, and author of I’m Pregnant, Not Terminally Ill, You Idiot.
The witty 44-year-old self-professed cat lover was a pharmacist before joining media. “I am largely obsessed with what I am going to eat next and have more than a normal interest in the behaviour of cats,” she quips.
Iyer wanted to tell women giving birth isn’t as syrupy as is made out to be. The quirky title “is reflective of what most women feel during pregnancy, but don’t say it, because they think they have to be these beatific souls in a state of zen”. She adds, “A pregnant woman is as virulent as you and me, and it’s about time people dealt with their angst... Plus men (in particular husbands) can actually live up to the title ‘idiot’ when the women they love are pregnant.”
The book, hitting the stands on July 20, dissects the raw deal of “baby-making” and the reality “behind the rosy dream”. Iyer felt it was important to pen a “real” story.
“Every person in the book is real, and has been in my life. I may not have named a few to spare them the fallout of being recognised as having said ‘that stupid thing’ or behaved like ‘this complete idiot’ but they are all real, and the stuff that you read in the book actually happened. Every single bit of it! I am sharing, no holds barred.”
Interestingly, Iyer says pregnancy is extremely overrated in India. “Anyone who has made a baby is nowadays an expert on parenting and other dangerous things, and with blogs and social media being free-for-all, there are far too many opinions on the subject.”
She feels pregnancy is more discussed than dating and finding the right guy. “Also, since most women are marrying late, pregnancy is a huge concern at the back of their minds, whether they admit it or not.”
With her frank account, Iyer is sure that her book will help say things as they are. Just like the way she signs off, “Frightening to say, but my husband is now my number one ‘idiot’.”
Excerpts
● Fertility Politics: Perhaps what pregnant women hate as much as too little fuss is too much fuss. Are you okay? Need something?...Can you have coffee? … You feel like saying, “I am pregnant, not terminally ill, you idiot!”
● Thinking good thoughts- My Foot: And then there are the pregnophobes (read people who hate you because you are pregnant). So cynical singletons and manhaters now hate you even more because you are an affirmation of womanhood.
● Myth of the Hands-on Daddy: - My problem was, I hated giving instructions. Making a list of things-to-do-for-daddy just felt wrong. I expected the husband to be a partner in parenting.