It has become a regular phenomenon to come across people who are struggling with health, are stressed out, burned-out, have troubled relationships, depression, anxiety, feelings of low self-worth and confidence. Usually, childhood experiences are at the root of adult problems. It could be due to any reason—parenting, bad experiences with extended family, teachers, peers, friends, etc. So, where do these problems stem from?
Comparisons: Parents often compare their kids with their neighbours, siblings or friends. Comparing your children with others is the thief of joy because it robs them of their self-worth. Comparison can steal even an adult’s self-worth, let alone kids. It is necessary for parents to know that their kids are unique individuals. They have their own identity and not excelling in academics or sports is not the end of life.
Lack of time spent with kids: Children need time.
First from parents, then from house helps or nanny. There is no compromise here unless a parent is sick, away or unable to be there for serious reasons. Many parents think they are doing all they can for their child, spending money on nannies and giving the best to their child, but this is not what your child really wants. Children crave security, love, unconditional love, appreciation, discipline, assertiveness and care. Nothing can replace the love, care and time given by a child from their own parents. Not even bribing them through gifts, iPad, games, sugary treats, pizza and burger parties. They may accept all of these gifts because it gives instant gratification, but it fails to fill the void that’s created in your child’s heart.
Overprotecting kids: Children, who are protected too much, always made to believe they are right and never wrong, never allowed to feel bored, angry or frustrated, grow up unable to face the reality and truth of the world. Parents often say ‘we want to give the best to our children’. While there is nothing wrong with the intention, also give them care, love, time, life lessons, emotional lessons and value lessons—what they really need over and above all that you want to give them.
Negatively tagging kids: This can really affect kids emotionally, mentally and physically. Labelling your children as ‘good for nothing’, ‘stupid’ and ‘worthless’ will strip them of their self-confidence and self-assurance. Words are powerful and carry energy. They are said to have the power of life and death. If we label kids in a negative way, these words get embedded into their subconscious and that’s exactly how they become when they grow. So, we rather use the power of words to groom them in a positive manner through love and appreciation.
No matter how big and fat your salary is, if your inner soul has been hurt, rust or robbed, it will only accumulate and compound and ultimately hit you in the form of a disease. Be brave and reflect upon your childhood if you are suffering from any condition, for it may be the only root cause you need to address. Some of the most abusive relationships stem from a disturbed childhood.
Be open, seek the help of a counsellor if you need to or take the help of your parents. In many cases, this can be fixed. It is better than suffering and using vices as a coping mechanism that destroys us further without addressing the root cause.There are certain unfortunate and dark incidents like childhood assault, child abuse etc, which can be difficult to deal with, but everything else can be tackled with love, care, affection, expression, acceptance and letting go.
The author is a Mumbai-based holistic lifestyle coach