Talk the walk
Have you ever had that words-aren’t-enough feeling? Well, it's more than just an infrequent experience, for American psychologist Albert Mehrabian discovered way back in 1967 that only seven per cent of communication is through words; 38 per cent comes from the tone of our voice, and 55 per cent through body language. It was this strange fact about human communication that Mehrabian elaborated on in his book Silent Messages.
Imagine you're in a job interview. You've got all the skills for the job, but if you walk in there like a robot, just spitting out your qualifications, you might not land the job. Now, imagine coming in with a smile, a confident handshake, and speaking with enthusiasm and warmth (that's 38 per cent and 55 per cent respectively). Even if you stumble on a word or two, your energy and body language are conveying, "I'm the one for this job!" It's not just about what you're saying; it's about how you're saying it and the vibe you're putting out there. So, next time you're in a situation like that, remember to bring your A-game in all three areas to make a killer impression.
Known as the 7-38-55 Rule, this communication hack states that words are just a fraction of the message and it helps you vibe better with people around. Does the 7-38-55 Rule help with communicating effectively? Are there any pitfalls? Is it foolproof? How best to decode it?
Sritha Nandiraj, psychologist and founder of Hyderabad-based Dhyana Life, a therapy space for healing the mind, says, "Communication occurs at a subconscious level, contrary to the common belief that it is primarily a conscious process. The words we use, along with facial expressions and body language, serve as tools for expressing thoughts, which originate from our subconscious, influenced by life experiences. Emotions expressed can be easily misinterpreted due to ineffective use of these tools."
In today's world of advancing technology, decoding emotions, especially in virtual communication, can be challenging. However, maintaining authenticity in intention can enhance message clarity and ensure the right choice of words," she says. As eyes are often considered windows to the mind; words spoken, gestures made, and body language reflect the intent originating in one's mind, she adds.
The best way to understand the real meaning of what is being said is to listen actively into the context, values and beliefs of the individual. "Being curious and asking open-ended questions and truly being present without any distractions can support excellent communication," she added.
Incidentally, couple counsellors advise couples, especially when they are contemplating applying for a divorce, that they should desist from raising the volume of their voice when speaking to their spouse and keep the tone even and moderate.
Aravind Arumugam, a mental health counsellor in Tambaram, Chennai, asks everyone to practice active listening, observe non-verbal cues, and adapt their communication style accordingly. "Today, most communication happens online. While you should communicate professionally through words on email, you must back it up with a call or a chat to be more effective, says Aravind. If all else fails, meet up personally. "The old hybrid model - with in-person communication followed by online communication - works best for all," he adds.