Putting your partner on ‘probation’ is the new trend on social media, thanks to TikTok. The wildly popular online platform, though banned in India is accessed by enterprising Indians through various portals to watch and post. TikTok wisdom says behavioral experts can learn a lot about a person in three months, and the information is an effective way to feel the water of a budding relationship. What does this probationary period entail?
The ‘test’ prescribes putting a prospect on a ninety-day trial to understand if they are compatible for a relationship in the long run. The beginning of any romantic relationship is usually dominated by infatuation and attraction. During the three-month period, it is advised to understand a prospect’s likes and dislikes, habits, quirks and communication styles, as well as their boundaries.
Preeta Ganguli, a trauma-informed therapist and wellness consultant, explains, “The three-month dating rule is about taking enough time to understand and know a person, to move beyond what is typically known as the ‘honeymoon’ phase and building a deeper emotional connection with them. It’s also to make a decision whether you want to commit to this person or proceed with ending the relationship.”
But is this a valid way of understanding if someone is worth your time? Dating and relationships need their own time to blossom, highlights Akanksha Chandele—director at I Am Wellbeing (Nairatmya Foundation). Three months isn’t enough time to get a true sense of a person. “In romantic relationships, we rely on vulnerability, which takes a relationship forward. However, vulnerability cannot exist without safety. Feeling safe with the other person, and the safety of being yourself with them is important. This is how we build our relationships and a short duration doesn’t seem enough for a person to bring out their true and authentic self,” she adds.
Meanwhile, Ganguli agrees, saying that three months may not be enough—it can put pressure to make a decision. It’s quite likely that one partner may need more time to understand what a relationship means to them and how they want to connect with the other person. “If I am facing a cap of three months, I may be forced to make a premature decision. Each relationship and individual may have different needs. They don’t work at the same pace. However, the fundamental idea of the three-month dating rule, which hinges on getting to know a person to an extent makes sense to me,” she adds.
There is an exception—for people who are aware of their values and beliefs, three months give a basic idea of misalignment or incompatibility. But should one just stay on for three months, even if the relationship seems out of whack? Ganguli advises caution: “It’s important to note red flags, some may be very obvious. If someone just sticks around for three months for the sake of it, even when they have identified deal breakers, it's pointless. Plus, it doesn’t just have to be a deal-breaker—if your value system doesn’t connect, that’s enough reason to know if it’s not working out.”