Game of throning

Game of throning

This new Gen Z dating trend is making waves across social media.
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When Tanvi (name changed), a 29-year-old successful event planner from Delhi, started dating a rising influencer, she was charmed by his confidence and charismatic personality. Initially, their relationship felt exciting - lavish dinners, exclusive parties, and countless high-profile events. But over time, she noticed a pattern - her partner’s interest lay more in showcasing their relationship online than nurturing it.

“He often highlighted my professional success and social influence to bolster his image, while the genuine care and effort I brought to the partnership went unrecognised,” Tanvi sighs.

It dawned on her that she wasn’t being valued for who she was but for how her association could enhance his perceived social standing - a classic case of “throning”, where love takes a backseat to status-seeking.

“Throning” is a new Gen Z dating trend making waves across social media and modern dating culture. Trauma-focused Relationship Therapist Prachi Saxena explains, “It essentially means dating someone for the social perks they bring rather than their personal characteristics. While in traditional dating scenarios, you would choose someone by exploring their compatibility with you; in throning, the main reason becomes the social standing and prestige of the person.”

It is less about building genuine, meaningful connections and more about enhancing one's social status and ego through your partner. This involves placing a partner on a metaphorical throne, not for their character or values, but for the social perks they carry. While the term feels modern, the concept isn't entirely new, echoing behaviours akin to “gold digging” or “clout chasing” .

Status-based dating often lacks the emotional depth and respect for one another required in long-term relationships, even though it could offer momentary validation.

“Personal compatibility is secondary in the throning dynamic, which becomes a major challenge in such couples,” continues Saxena.

The psychology behind throning often stems from a deep-seated need for validation and self-worth issues. Psychotherapist Snigdha Mishra points out, “It’s driven by the desire to be visible and seek validation through a partner when one cannot achieve that otherwise in their own life.” By attaching themselves to someone with higher social clout or success, individuals attempt to fulfil these unmet needs.

However, she cautions, “This isn’t actual self-esteem but a borrowed sense of worth - similar to buying an expensive car to project status.” Walking into a social gathering with a partner perceived as more successful or influential provides a temporary boost to their identity, masking underlying insecurities.

The drive can further emanate from a lack of inner fulfilment, which one considers unattainable on their own. Throning, therefore, becomes less about genuine connection and more about leveraging a partner’s status to fill emotional voids.

Recognising if you’re being “throned” begins with observing how your partner views and treats you. Matchmaker and Relationship Coach Radhika Mohta expresses, “Watch for signs like constant flaunting of your labels - whether it’s job title, family background, or economic status - while neglecting to appreciate who you are as a person”.

A partner focused solely on your social or economic attributes without making an effort to understand your deeper personality or long-term vision for life is a red flag. An authentic connection goes beyond superficial attributes and delves into valuing the whole person - something throning inherently lacks.

However, relationships, like individuals, are unique and thrive on what works best for the people involved. Mishra says, “If someone is happy in a relationship built on throning and both partners feel comfortable and loved, then the relationship might even be fulfilling. Labels sometimes become judgemental, falsely suggesting that such relationships cannot be sustained.”

Interestingly, throning sometimes is a two-way dynamic, with both partners playing active roles in sustaining it. The one being “throned” - typically armed with social status, wealth, or influence - might flaunt these assets to attract partners, not always out of genuine confidence but driven by self-worth issues, a need for validation and admiration, or even a calculated bid for control.

This creates a relationship where superficial qualities take precedence over emotional connection, trapping both individuals in a cycle of performance and expectation.

Dating trends today are heavily influenced by societal shifts, technological advancements, and changing circumstances.

For individuals prone to throning or those who have engaged in it in the past, self-exploration is key to breaking the pattern. Genuine, fulfilling relationships blossom when individuals feel complete within themselves, rather than relying on a partner to mend emotional voids.

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The New Indian Express
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