In 2021, senior citizens (60+) accounted for 16.5 per cent of the total population in Kerala, making it the highest proportion in India. And the migration of youth is indeed creating more homes in the state that have only elderly parents.
Besides giving nominal welfare pensions to a significant number of aged, the state does not have any other active social protective systems. The presumption is that the family, comprising children and near relatives, will care for the elderly.
That social support system, however, has weakened due to various factors. Changes in family dynamics, the lack of time for young ones to care for elderly people, a shift toward an individualistic culture, and migration of the younger generation are some of the contributors. In a changing social scenario, elders will have to make fresh road maps for a happier life.
Thus, there is a need to develop new life skills for old age in tune with social changes, instead of wasting time by placing blame.
Second innings
Accepting old age with grace is the right strategy. This will equip one with the strength to face the challenges it brings. Physical illnesses of old age are, of course, a matter of concern. Mobility issues may be troublesome. Changes in brain and emotional space cause additional problems. Some will have memory issues. And the percentage of those affected by depression is high in elderly people.
Explore methods to survive in every crisis. Seek professional help and social support. Practise safety principles to avoid falls and accidental injuries. Negotiate for senior-citizen-friendly environments, which is a right.
Better self-care
Longevity should be primarily about adding quality to additional life years. Stay committed to the care of physical and mental health.
Have regular health screenings. The cost for such measures will be negligible when compared with the damage due to negligence.
A healthy diet, exercises or walking, and adequate sleep. are vital. Practices like meditation help ease the mind.
Seek autonomy
There is a dependency trap in our culture that tells us that elders are destined to depend. We hear many complaints that children, for whom they lived their life, are not caring enough or are unavailable. Some want them to accompany them to the hospital or assist in every matter.
If one has the energy to do this without depending on anybody, venture out by oneself. Elders of the new world need to develop a mindset that moves away from dependency to autonomy, as long as mobility permits.
Younger ones may have genuine practical issues related to pressures of livelihood and a lack of time. Understanding realities free of resentment will foster healthy intergenerational relationships. However, there must be empowerment to fight neglect, exploitation or abuse.
Refuse to be lonely
Loneliness is a reality. It may be self-created or related to a depressive mood. It may also be socially scripted due to empty nest syndrome when children fly away for livelihood. Death of a spouse may also be a factor.
When one shrinks into a cocoon, the impact of loneliness becomes severe. Idleness and shrinkage of social connections breed isolation. Do note that those elderly with satisfying daily routines and social connections are the happiest.
Fill in cheer to late life by indulging in hobbies, reading books, engaging in social service activities or even making journeys. Those who can continue with their career or any work can do that.
Relinquish authority
Some elders resist relinquishing authority, which creates friction with children. Many refuse to part with control over their wealth, even when their children need it. There is overindulgence in decision-making without giving space for younger ones.
It’s better to relinquish authority with grace and purpose. The space for listening and an openness for participatory decisions should be created.
Acquire basic digital skills
In a new world geared by smartphones, it’s essential to acquire the basic skills to use them to make life easier and more self-reliant. Skills to pay bills, purchase provisions, book online taxis or even organise an online consultation with a doctor will make life less restrictive. Utilise new avenues of communication to stay connected with kith and kin.
(The writer is a senior consultant psychiatrist, Medical Trust Hospital, Kochi, and former member of Kerala State Mental Health Authority)