Why does society have to condemn a grieving woman?
During these days without my daughter Sneha, my mornings begin with Marathi songs.
When Sneha was with me, the early morning hours used to melt away in the music of Ilaiyaaraja as we listened to and hummed the maestro's songs while sipping cups of black tea.
Ever since she passed away, I don't have the heart to listen to Ilaiyaraaja's songs anymore. They remind me of her.
Instead, I now listen to the songs from a Marathi movie Nilkanth Master. The songs, set to music by Ajay-Atul, accompanied by pulsating percussion instruments, bring to life mist-draped mornings in front of my eyes and serve as a balm to my wound.
It's a challenge to overcome societal barriers for women like me who suffer a loss or setback in life. Society condemns us as "losers" or "good for nothings".
After Sneha's passing away, I'm confronted with this bizarre kind of loneliness again. I had tried to overcome the loneliness caused by the passing of my mother and later my younger daughter with the help of Sneha. Today, I stand helplessly staring at the emptiness with pensiveness and bafflement.
I remind myself it is a matter of pride for a woman beset by challenges to be able to overcome them singlehandedly and live alone without depending on anyone. In such moments, I wonder why our society then has to try and slay every woman's yearnings and leave them as walking corpses.
Whether it be for the flock or for someone who has suffered a setback, the diktats of the society remain the same.
The 'how a woman should keep herself happy' rulebook is not just patriarchal, it is a sure-fire recipe for pain. Whatever it says should make women happy usually spells losses for them.
It is the society that defines what kind of loss women should grieve for and how and how much they should grieve.
Death and loss! Isn't it a loss when a woman gives up her job since her husband is against it?
Virginity is something that should be safeguarded, they say. But then the self-respect denied to women in close relationships after they have yielded it, isn't that a loss?
Leaving her parental home to her in-laws' house is advised. Isn't it then a loss for a woman to be denied a share in ancestral property?
Society wants women to follow these impositions but maintains a deafening silence when they suffer.
What else can be more glorious than the rebirth of women condemned to lead an entire life suppressing their feelings, anger, powerlessness, happiness, anger, belligerence and anguish?
Thankfully, in the moments when I was left startled and helpless soon after the death of Sneha, care and compassion came to me from unexpected quarters. This has not only helped me endure this searing trial but also underlines that humaneness hasn't died.
Living itself is a victory for us women who are denied permission to live.
We can wait and see. Time could bear fruit. With just the screech of a sparrow or the rhythms of the tabla in a song we do not understand, we could be redeemed.
(Translated from Tamil by Gladwin Emmanuel.)