VIRUDHUNAGAR: A day after his daughter died by suicide fearing not getting qualified in NEET, Muruga Sundaram father of Jothi Sri Durga, exclusively spoke to The New Indian Express, on the reasons that lead her to take her own life just a day prior to the examination.
Muruga Sundaram said that the uncertainty that hovered over the conducting of NEET examinations for the past six months, along with the pressure of getting prepared for the examination for the past year, might have driven Jothi Sri Durga to depression.
He added that maybe if the examination was conducted back then, she would have unburdened herself of the stress of a whole year.
The aspirant, who was working hard for the past year, was set to take the examination for the second time after she did not secure a seat in 2019.
Opposing what is being said on social media, her father said, "She was a courageous girl and we did not put any pressure on her. It was her own dream to become a doctor and we stood by it. Even if she had not succeeded this time, we would have given it another go if she had wished it."
"It is not parental pressure that might have been the reason for the suicide like it is being said on social media, she was tensed about the exam.
She never expressed any apprehensions to us. One could only see her with a smiling face," her father said, adding that they would have done everything possible to help her with any doubts of failure if they knew about her mental struggle.
"Rather than the syllabus and education, what makes NEET worse is the pressure built up around it," he added.
Jothi completed her primary schooling in Tamil medium and later shifted to English medium in 2012 on her own wish.
Following her 12th board examination, she and some of her friends had joined a 40-day crash course at a NEET coaching centre in Madurai.
When she was asked to opt for other courses, like B.Sc Agriculture and such, she refused and had, by then, decided to dedicate a year to prepare for NEET after which the family relocated to Madurai.
Family relocated to Madurai to support her
In 2019, her mother, an assistant supervisor at the Tamil Nadu Agricultural University, got transferred to Tirunelveli from Aruppukottai, while Sundaram who had been working at Delhi and in Tihar jail for a decade got himself transferred to Madurai for the sole purpose of their children's education.
It was decided that the children, Jothi and her brother, who's studying in the 9th standard now, were to stay with their father, while their mother would visit them during the weekends.
She was close to her brother and was enthusiastic about taking care of him.
Jothi who had been a day scholar at the Madurai coaching center had insisted on joining the hostel for the last couple of months.
However, due to the pandemic, the coaching classes got over by March with only three or four tests pending.
Meanwhile, the examination which was said to be conducted in May got postponed to July and finally, to September.
"That, too, was highly uncertain. But she put on a brave face and studied on her own with the materials, as she always did. She never expressed any fears," her father said.
Jothi had been preparing for her examination since April from home.
Calling Jothi a night owl, he said, "She used to study the entire night and sleep away throughout the day. We supported her throughout the journey."
Who can prepare government school students for NEET?
For him, a child from a government school, becoming a doctor is not a small feat but a remarkable one.
Touching on the preparation of NEET, he asked, "which government school teacher is aware of the syllabus or questions asked in NEET. Do they have the resources to prepare a student for the exam?"
"Being a government servant, I do not support any particular party nor their views. But my anger is on the entrance examination and the imponderable rules and regulations put forth on young children. It cannot be expressed in words," he said.
"Conducting improvement examinations - like in the 1990s - is a viable and easy alternative. Those who wish to can take the examination.
NEET is not a normal entrance examination just because of the anxiety and pressure surrounding it. Why can't they ban it and bring improvement exams instead?" he insisted.
Improvement examinations were conducted until the 1990s, in which the student can reappear for a particular subject if they find the marks unsatisfactory. The new marks will be considered, he added.
Mental health
Speaking of providing counseling or other mental health support to the children, Sundaram vocalized his anger over several people voicing advice without knowing the truth.
He asks, "How does a 19-year-old child know about depression? How do we know about our child's struggle if they do not express any kind of symptoms?
Also, is counseling really a solution to this issue? We can talk and write anything but the pain of the parent cannot be felt or understood unless you wish to."
For providing her moral support, Jothi's mother Abirami had availed 20 days' leave and was helping with her studies at home.
Though the television connection was cut - as per the wish of the children - she was still a movie buff and used to go to theatres often.
She loved Shinchan (a Japanese Manga series) and used to draw well, reminisces Sundaram while showing us a drawing of hers, now framed on the wall of their house.
The lives of a happy family had changed overnight with the unexpected death of Jothi.
"Nothing is as before and it never will be. These memories will haunt us throughout our lives and we are at a loss on how to navigate through it," Jothi's father added.
(If you are having suicidal thoughts, or are worried about a friend or need emotional support, someone is always there to listen. Call Sneha Foundation - 04424640050 (available 24x7) or iCall, the Tata Institute of Social Sciences' helpline - 02225521111, which is available Monday to Saturday from 8 am to 10 pm.)