BENGALURU: They say that sometimes a heartbreak can be quite literally as painful as a heart attack. There are very few relationships the end of which is truly celebrated. The end of a relationship, even when it is something one seeks to end, may not be quite the heart breaking event but it still is quite distressful.
It can be quite the spiral with bouts of guilt, shame, despair, pain and grief tumbling all around. It is not easy to move on and many times, one is caught up in all the conflicting emotions that it is not easy to even know what we feel.
If you are going through such a time, it can help to take such time for a little exercise that can maybe make it a little easier to separate out everything that is going on as you try to feel your way through the end of this relationship. The first exercise is a list you might want to consider making – go ahead and list down all that you think and feel you miss about the relationship you were in just now.
Let it be any and every thing that you can think of that you feel you miss. Little things like having someone to fight over who will need to clear the cat’s litter box, or someone upon whose leg you could put your own and treat that as a comfortable and comforting foot rest.
Maybe it will be things like someone whose presence took away the sting when neighbours and family elders look around to see who they can bully about their marital status. It could even be practical things like someone who was able to make sure that there was food stocked up at home, or that the kitchen sink or the bathroom is not clogged up. Maybe it is the physical intimacy, or someone to accompany you to a meal in a new restaurant you wanted to try out. Or someone to share the rent and utilities so that in these days of high inflation, you don’t really feel the pinch much.
Once you are done, go away for a bit and have a coffee or something, and then after a while, come back and look at the list. Really look at it and ask yourself: Is the list about this particular someone who you have broken up with? Or, is it more about just being in the kind of relationship that you really wanted to be, but this one wasn’t the one you actually wished for? If it is the latter, then you probably are grieving for the time lost with an unsuitable partner. Then, it is really about getting back on with a clearer idea of who you need in life.
If it was the former, then it is a love lost that you are grieving over and that is going to take a while. Grief has no road map really that will help you get over it, but you can make your life bigger while honouring what this love meant for you.