Is there an end to human desires? An Existential Crisis
Dear Readers,
Yes! We're back on track again with yet another deep introspective conversation this week. A philosophical, yet a very rational subject that will give each and every one of us FOOD FOR THOUGHT.
I'm sure that saying the word itself invokes either positive feelings like excitement or energy, or negative ones like sadness or disappointment. The contrast in feelings is a result of what DESIRES we all possess on an individual level. Before going into the intricacies, let's first understand what it is.
What is Desire?
I have always described desire as nothing but the emotion of being able to own something, being able to be possessive of someone or to simply be able to control the outcome of a process/phenomenon.
In the simplest way, I describe desire as it's a WANT THAT YOU WANT, Period! Be it anything or anyone.
Desire is Funny!
The ironic part is that even though desire on a fundamental level is the same, it has different dimensions based on which it is perceived and is applied in different disciplines. The three basic types according to me with simple examples are:
Essential: wherein we have a desire to eat when we feel hungry.
Psychological: wherein we feel we want something to make us happy or excited.
Sociological: wherein we need, let's say people, around to be able to live as we are social beings.
What Makes it So Confusing?
Here's where I find it apt to discuss two more concepts, my dearest readers. They are NEED and WANT. Again, simply put, need is something that is generally a necessity whereas a WANT might be an accessory but not an integral requirement.
This is exactly the aspect wherein a majority of us create an infinite loop of disappointments and dissatisfactions as we don't aim to fulfil the NEED, but instead end up programming ourself for NEEDING the WANT.
Is it rational? Is it practical? We don't even get to that level of thinking as we're too busy building CASTLES IN THE AIR!
Another culprit is the same concept being used by marketers to convince all of us to convert our WANTS to NEEDS. This is exactly why we feel that WE NEED THAT NEW PHONE WITH 4G because we have been fed those suggestions by altering our Need Recognition Process, making us feel like it's a necessity.
A Desire to Desire?
Do we all have desires? Yes we do! Is it required? Yes! That's what makes us human. But how well we understand our desires, are aware of our needs/wants and are then able to rationalise and arrive at a conclusion or decision is what differentiates the THIN line between being practical and fantasising. I definitely do not say that it's wrong to dream, but it shouldn't be taken on a serious note. This is where I answer this query. Based on my experience, I can confidently say that THERE IS NO END TO DESIRES IN A HUMAN. I say this because as we progress higher in our lives and acquire the NEEDS, the next WANT becomes a NEED and once we acquire that...the process continues. The disclaimer here is that it also depends on your maturity level and other factors, the main aspect being what CONTENTMENT means to you as it's directly proportional. If you're able to be practical and understand your needs and wants, you'll be CONTENT. But if you end up focusing only on your WANTS, it's a direct road to disappointments.
My Final Word
Dear Readers, let us all chalk out a systematic, practical and achievable action plan wherein we focus on our NEEDS first, make it our priority and then focus on our WANTS. If we're successful in getting our WANTS, great! If not, it's nothing to be disheartened about. Rather than materialistic desires, let our DESIRES be ACHIEVING MILESTONES IN RENDERING SERVICE and WORKING COLLECTIVELY TO THE GREATER GOOD OF MANKIND!
With Regards,
Adarsh Basavaraj
The Coach
Here are some more that the coach answered:
I have been in love with my friend but we aren't talking now. His parents don't want us to marry as I'm handicapped. He left me, and is not talking to me. He asked me to go for another marriage. I'm unable to take this, and am going mad. Please help me Sir. Helpless in Love
First of all, Don't call yourself HANDICAPPED, it's been replaced with the less offensive DISABLED. Next, take the "BEING DISABLED" part OUT OF YOUR MIND and stop damaging your confidence and esteem.
This is one of the special cases wherein I suggest individuals be open about the relationship with their parents and convince them. If it still doesn't work out, move out and get married as long as both of you are financially independent.
Any relationship has to be two–sided. If he's given up on you and is asking you to get married to someone else, it shows how insensitive he has become. You pressurising him to get back to you will not help.
My advice, SHOW HIM WHAT YOU ARE GIRL! MOVE ON! Find a better guy and settle down with him. Take it up as a challenge and forget him. I know it's very easy for me to tell you this, but trust me it's possible. It might just take some time. Keep reminding yourself how easy it was for him to let you down and move on after all these years. Avoid being alone as much as possible. If you're working, log in more hours and spend time with your colleagues who are interested in your well being. Take a vacation, join a dance class or learn a new art or hobby. The bottom line is keep yourself OCCUPIED. If required, meet a therapist for some desensitisation therapy.
I'm really confused about what to do with my life. I'll graduate with a BCA degree from a university and I don't know what I'm good at, or where I'm heading. Please help!
Confused in life
Hey buddy, don't sweat it.
I completely understand what you're going through. I've also been through this phase in my life. In fact, on a humourous note, I'm good at so many things that I'm still having a hard time figuring out what I'm good at. That's when I decided to do what really gives me THE KICK! Just like Salman Khan says in the movie with the same name. My KICK in life is to bring a smile to the face of as many as I can. That's exactly what I'm doing here.
So the first tip for you is to find out what gives you the KICK or JOSH. Take some time off, sit peacefully with a clear mind and write down everything that you're good at. The next step is to filter out the final list of things that really give you that excitement. Finally, you need to match these skills to a profession that will require those skills. For example. If you love communicating with people, you can take up a job in training, counselling, sales, customer relationship management, etc. This is just an example, work along these lines and I'm sure you'll find your CALLING soon.
BRO TIP: Always remember to take up something that you're really passionate about and not link it with money, as money and passion are two different things, and you still have time on your side. Like the TELEBRANDS slogan... Choose Wisely, Live Well.
This should definitely help,All the very best.
Sir, I'm really confused. There's this guy whom I really love a lot and he's a close friend of mine. Sometimes he behaves as if he is more than that and cares a lot. But he does not openly express his feelings. Should I wait for him or move on?
Friend or More?
Let me be very clear about one aspect first, waiting for him in this case is like waiting for the prices of gold to dip so that you can buy jewellery. It's a waste of time and unpredictable. You'll be dependent on him and might miss out on other opportunities while waiting for him.
It's a very simple remedy in your case. You need to confront him and have a very open discussion with him. Please remember that LOVE is a mutual feeling. It always has to be two–sided and both must possess equal intensity of feelings; it's a must.
It's always better to go out for a cup of coffee and talk about it openly. First have a casual and open discussion with him and ask him what kind of feelings he has for you. Next you need to find out if he is serious about his feelings and is looking at a LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP. When you ask these questions you'll get a vibe of whether he is just flirting or is really serious, based on which you can take a call.
Please do ensure that he says either YES or NO, and doesn't leave you hanging in the air. If he's still not clear, I suggest you move on as there's no point in pursuing a relationship which doesn't look confident. It's his loss, move on.
This should definitely help,All the very best.
I'm 24 and in a relationship for six months, and this is my first one. I think he's a good guy. But my problem is that I have been watching shows like Gumraah, Savdhaan India, etc. I'm afraid that he'll take advantage of me! Also, his brother is a womaniser and my boyfriend is quite close him and idolises him. What should I do?
Too much TV
I definitely understand that you're anxious about a lot of things since this is your first relationship and the FIRST THING I want you to be aware of is that YOU ARE IN CONTROL. So irrespective of what happens in the shows that you've been watching, here it's in your hands as to what you want to do and what you don't want to do. He will take advantage of YOU only if YOU LET HIM DO SO!
The next thing I'd like to address is your relationship. It's too early to judge him. Give it another year; see how it goes. If he ends up pressurising you to become physical or sexually active with him and you're not quite ready for it or still not comfortable with it, you need to be strong and refuse. If his behaviour changes or if he loses interest in you, then his intentions are very clear. Your doubts about him being influenced by his brother will also prove to be right.
I say this because, trust me, when it comes to a genuine relationship, the physical or sexual part of the relationship happens naturally. Even if it doesn't, the strength of your relationship will not suffer. I've not only personally dated a girl for two years without being physical and being on the verge of getting married to her, but have also handled almost a thousand relationships for my clients. So, based on my experience, if you sense pressure from his end going forward or change in behaviour, it's better to move on and break off. If it happens naturally between you both, as a passionate and romantic act wherein both of you are ready and consensual about it, then it's OK.
Confused about where your life is going, what to do next, how to handle life’s curveballs or where to get great relationship advice? Never fear, The Coach is here. Life guru Adarsh Basavaraj will answer all your queries on WhatsApp! So what are you waiting for? Total anonymity will also be extended on request, and select queries will be answered in Edex