Giving or receiving directions can at times lead to humorous situations. While a few people can provide idiot-proof directions, most others may confuse the hell out of you. And sometimes the seemingly perfect advice can lead you away from your destination.
Recently, my husband and I visited Germany. There, we took time to enjoy the beauty of the Cologne Cathedral. After a guided tour of the Cathedral, we decided to explore the city that the place once was. We were told that there were smaller churches around the Cathedral dedicated to the Twelve Apostles, which were worth a visit. We had for reference a map that was handed out as part of a self-guided tour. It started off in the centre of the Roman city. While locating the Gross St Martin church was easy, we couldn’t find the churches for the Twelve Apostles. All I remembered being told was that they were behind the centre point. After searching for some time in vain, we stopped at one shop and asked the owner for directions. In a mixture of gestures and words, he asked us to walk through the passage and go straight.
That brought us back to the starting point! Then I stopped a passerby, who looked like a local and asked him if he could tell me where the churches of the Twelve Apostles were.
He looked at me seriously and said, “Go straight, turn left and it is the first building.” We did just that and came upon what hardly looked like a church. At the entrance, a man was putting up a banner and talking to a woman. It was the Twelve Apostels Bar and Restaurant! While he and everyone else who provided directions were right it was hardly the place we were looking for.
On another occasion, I was giving directions to an American friend who had come home. “As you come down the main road, once you see the subway—don’t go down that—but take the first left and it’s the first building on the left,” I instructed.
A few minutes before he was due to arrive, I received a frantic call saying that he was lost. It turned out that my friend, on spotting the Subway sandwich joint on the main road, took the first left and had got hopelessly lost in one of the several bylanes down the road!
Sudha Umashanker
Email: sudha.ganesha@gmail.com