They juggle work and home with swift ease, never miss PTMs, make tiffins, gave even mastered perfect ponytails! And they silently go about their responsibilities — unsung heroes of their children’s lives. Though fathers are always supermen without the cape for their kids, single fathers deserve a special salute for their efforts of donning the additional hat of a mother. Three single dads take The Morning Standard through their journey, which they see as very special despite being fraught with challenges.
Sunil Mishra, businessman [Noida]
In 2007, when his wife passed away from renal failure, leaving his seven-year-old son without a mother, Mishra felt the agony replaying itself, this time through his little one. “I had lost my father when I was eight. I was more than familiar with the grief of losing a parent,” he shares. Determined not to let his son feel the vacuum, Mishra who was suddenly faced with the dual responsibility of playing a father and mother, changed his lifestyle completely and also relied on his family for support.
Being in the travel business required him to travel extensively, coupled with dining and wining with clients which meant late nights. “I brought all of this to zero. I stopped drinking alcohol even socially and reduced my travel so that I could be at home with my son in the evening... Small steps which gave me rich dividends,” he says, recalling how he marked the Parent Teacher Meeting days in red on the calendar.
The mother part also meant keeping a check on his child’s diet and innovating in the kitchen to kill the ennui of carrying a sandwich to school every day, plus handling the rebellious teenage years too. Did he ever feel it would have been easier if his wife was alive? “Well, sometimes. Also, the equation would have been different. I wouldn’t have been so involved in his life. We are best friends now,” he smiles.
Priyank Sukhija, restaurateur [New Delhi]
For a father, bringing up a daughter all by himself can be tricky in ways more than one and Sukhija realised this early on. Making even ponytails, knowing his pink from fuchsia, and being spot on about latest fashion trends, the 40-year-old has seen it all since he took custody of his now 16-year-old daughter in 2007. Today, he laughs at the teething troubles he faced as a single father. “Initially, it was challenging and it reflected in every day living.
]Once, I took Avika for swimming classes when she was around eight years, and I had to ask other women present there, to change her clothes,” he recounts, as he adds that he could not talk about periods or sex with her. It was done by his mother and girl friend, both of whom have been very supportive. He, however, feels that having a lone parent has made his daughter a stronger person. “Avika is very mature and focused for children her age. I marvel at how she overcame my separation because she was just five when it happened,” Sukhija says. Talking about the relationship further, he says that his role oscillates between being a father, mother and friend. “When it comes to career and academic decisions, I am a father. She discusses boyfriends, crushes, heartbreaks with me too. I am the best pal at that moment,” he gushes.
Pradeep Dhiman, government employee [Noida]
Five years ago, life threw a curveball at the 46-year-old when he lost his wife to a sudden bout of pneumonia. She left behind two young sons — 10 and four at that time, and a husband who was devastated. “Her death brought my life to a standstill. But I knew that I had to be strong for my children, and my family stood by me like a rock,” says Dhiman.
As he tried to balance office and home, which also included household chores — a completely new territory for him, he knew his career would have to take a back seat. “I was very career oriented and was thinking of going back to private sector when the tragedy happened. I just put everything on hold because my kids became my first priority, and not for once do I regret the decision,” the 46-year-old states. The father shares a “very close” bond with the sons, and is happy being the mother too. I am also teaching them life values, ethics and other larger lessons that a mother normally does.”
Bollywood heroes wear single dad cape
Many stars in the Hindi film industry have embraced fatherhood as a lone parent. Breaking the stereotype, they are raising their kids on their own. Hrithik Roshan has been bringing up his two sons since his divorce from wife Suzanne Khan. He is often seen holidaying with the kids and is a hands-on father, who does not stop gushing about the boys. Karan Johar and Tusshar Kapoor both became fathers through surrogacy. KJo often shares pictures of his twins- Yash and Roohi on social media while Tusshar joins his son Lakkshya for play dates. Model-actor Rahul Dev is also a single parent to a teenager since he lost his wife in 2010.