Sheila does amazing stuff in her math projects and copes so well, is so calm; especially when I am aware of the regular arguments and chaos at home. Rishad is admirable. He is so responsible, no wonder he was re-elected for the third time as the class representative. He deserves the scholarship awarded for his studies as he comes from a poor family
In a workshop that I attended this February at The Banyan’s Health Centre in Kovalam outside Chennai, I learnt about how some individuals like Sheila and Rishad who were troubled during their growing up years had tapped a strength that helps them as adults. Dr Steven Wolin (a family therapist) shared the findings of his study titled Project Resilience conducted more than a decade ago. The research based in the west reviewed various stories of what individuals as children and adolescents did in the past to overcome hardship while growing up. Some faced family disruption, some lived with a parent with drug problems while others faced poverty, abuse, neglect and racism. The analysis unfurled some core concepts of resilience amidst the individuals’ struggles and how they developed along the way and reported a sense of pride as adults. These individuals having faced troubled times now lead constructive and gratifying lives.
I heard about the Challenge Model of human psychology that talks of two forces at work — where the troubles that are viewed as dangerous for children can also become an opportunity. Some self-protective behaviour develops into lasting clusters called resilience, which persist during the hard times spanning childhood and adolescence into adulthood, serving as a guide or some sort of mental map. They help us know where to look for strength in the stories of persons who may have many problems / obstacles and may be seen in the small details or success or effort in a person’s daily life in tackling challenges. There can also be a lingering and bittersweet mix of pain and triumph under the surface for these people.
The seven points of resilience in brief are as follows:
Morality: Making distinctions of what is good and bad; acting with an informed conscience.
Insight: Asking tough questions and giving honest answers; an awareness of the problem and understanding it.
Independence: Distancing emotionally and physically from the sources of trouble in one’s life; taking control and standing up for oneself.
Relationships: Making fulfilling connections with other people and maturing into a balance of give and take.
Initiative: Taking charge of problems; a zest for tackling challenging projects.
Humour: Finding comic in the tragic; a capacity to be able to see the absurdity in one’s own pains and troubles.
Creativity: Using imagination; the expression of oneself through art forms.
How can we draw out strength? Instead of considering someone as bad or hopeless, we could help some of our troubled friends (including ourselves) by helping them reframe their story by uncovering the above resilience (there may be more or less of them).
We can listen without judging, and help identify their strengths and resources (close friends, family, counsellor, or teacher) which we can act upon constructively. We can find hidden themes in our friends’ stories that are helpful without underestimating their pain and hardship. We can give credit to the person, acknowledge their struggles and motivate them in the journey of life.