Married couples in the US may be more satisfied with their marriages when they post about their partners and relationship on Facebook, but young, urban newlyweds in the city are still apprehensive about airing their relationship hues on social networking sites.
According to a study conducted by researchers in the University of California, San Francisco (UCSF) there is now a scientific connection between how happy a couple is and whether they have a ‘couple’ display picture on Facebook, amongst other things. The study was conducted amongst Facebook users aged over 18 in the US.
Though Gen Y has taken a shine to Facebook like bookies to the IPL, most couples (especially husbands) prefer it if their spouses don’t air their issues, bad moods and tiffs on a public platform for all and sundry. “It causes a lot of unpleasantness when my wife posts that we have had a fight over something like wanting a vacation – not only do my in-laws read about it and offer to pay, my boss, co-workers and friends see it and make fun of me, saying that I don’t know how to either control my wife or keep her satisfied,” complains Kiran Kulkarni, a systems analyst who works at a software company in Velachery. Kiran adds that he had had heated arguments with his wife Sonal, who accused him of double standards – considering they met through a common friend on Facebook, “When we met, I thought it was cute that she was being such an open person and putting stuff up online – our first date, engagement and wedding – now it feels intrusive,” he vents.
These are not isolated incidents, says seasoned marital counsellor Jayanthi P, “It’s almost like a revamp of an old issue. In the late 90’s, I was getting husbands complaining that their wives were telling neighbourhood maamis and ‘aunties’ about their personal life. Only now, the audience has gotten much wider.”
Adding that she gets quite a few of these issues with her clients, Jayanthi goes on to conclude, “No one like bad publicity. Sometimes wives get very angry when their husbands post things about them before they get a chance to.” Airing their gripes online is a sure recipe for building resentment amongst spouses because they tend to feel ‘excluded’ or ‘out of the loop’.
There are a few people who revel in the social media relationship blitz – like blogger couple Satish and Sandhya, “She’s like Julie (from the movie Julie and Julia). She blogs about our fights, but instead of getting angrier, I read it and most often end up thinking that it’s her way of venting and possibly saying sorry,” he says. What about the comments and discussion that invariably follow each post? “That’s stupid and intrusive. I spoke to her about it and she has removed the comments section,” he adds.
With a slew of studies suggesting that excessive Facebook use fosters jealousy among couples, most people have made it a sub-conscious habit to check up on what their partners are up to ‘virtually’. As a result of putting up photos with opposite sex colleagues, provocative comments and the like, bad fights have erupted leading to separations. “I often tell my clients that they can put the best parts for public view and air the worst parts privately. Sadly, most of them need help getting that right,” says Jayanthi.
Bottom line: whether you think it’s intrusive, exhibitionist, sensationalist, minimalist, waste of your high-speed internet usage or just downright silly, use your wedding or couple-pic as your display picture - for all you know it could make your marriage happier!