Most of our understanding is stuck at the intellectual level, and hence, superficial. But one should learn to go deep. Going deeper is an art, and it brings a different kind of inner awakening.
The process of understanding a situation happens through the mind. But such an understanding is conceptual. Word is not the thing. Map is not the territory. For example, understanding that smoking is injurious to health is through the mind, but there is no emotional understanding. The emotion feels that smoking is joy. Understanding has to come from both the mind and emotion in harmony to bring about a change in one’s being that is reflected in their behaviour.
Similarly, in music, the mind knows the notations and understands that a song has to be sung according to those notations. But the difficulty is that such understanding needs to be translated into singing. To sing what the mind understands, the vocal cords should co-operate. This is achieved through practice. So, what the mind understands has to be understood by emotion as well. It should then be translated into behaviour. This is the tapas for virtue.
All of us know about ego and understand its impact on life. We know it does not give joy but makes life miserable. When ego is dominant, one will be in a demanding mode. The mind knows that there can be many points of view but takes only one’s point of view as right. Since there is no harmony between the mind and emotion, the emotion says that being egoistic is pleasurable. Hence, in spite of knowing that ego is not good, one remains egoistic because the emotion is not in harmony with the mind. If one has ego, the demands of the ego silently result in inner isolation. The view, “my point of view alone is right”, creates inner suffocation.
Real virtue is when both mind and emotion understand and implement that understanding in action. One should practise this in relationships. Even if one’s point of view is not accepted, one should learn to remain peaceful.
A relationship should be like a mirror reflecting oneself. When one sees the ongoing struggle to win or prove oneself, one can clearly recognise that ego is operating. Then one has to teach one’s mind and emotion that ego is a virus and has to be eliminated through bhakti and jnana. This is transformation. It is not just going to temples or attending spiritual discourses that will bring change. Bring this dimension into life.
The real field for this transformation is one’s relationships. A relationship is not for achievement, but for discovery. It is not becoming but transformation. Then relationships become modes of discovery. Without relationships, it is difficult to understand oneself. Relationships become a mirror to see oneself and discover one’s inner obstinacy, demands and conditioning.
We relate to others as long as that gratifies us, pleases us, makes us feel right. But the moment there is a difference, it produces discomfort. This brings resistance and results in regret and resentment. There is a world of hurt, and because of this we isolate ourselves from others, resulting in inner suffocation.
Let the relationship be like a mirror. See yourself in that mirror. Let there be self-reflection and revelation. Then you will know the ways of your mind and emotion. This discovery of one’s mind and emotion is the beginning of inner awakening.