Even as a toddler, a two-word prayer that I had repeated whenever I stood before any idol in a temple or in the puja room at home was Umachi Kapathu (God save me) and I was led to believe that He would redress all my grievances, answer all my prayers and be by my side in times of distress. During examinations and competitive events, I had more faith in my prayers to Him than in my own potential or performance.
My parents, especially my mother was my role model, but as I grew up I realized that my parents were my living gods. They not only provided my food, shelter and clothing, they also put me in one of the best schools in the area. They guided me through the thick and thin in life and had an answer for all my questions. They could tell me in advance what the outcome would be of any test I had taken. Their prophecies came true always. But the God’s before whom I prayed never responded favourably nor had any answer to my growing curiosity.
Needless to say, I went to temples because my parents went there. I recited all the slokas they taught me faithfully. Often times they advised me offer prayers and I could just not disobey them. Even today, I practice all the rituals I am expected to perform, not because I have faith in any God, but because I feel duty bound to carry out the wishes of my parents. Honestly, I just do not know the meaning of many of the slokas I recite. I have come to realise that prayer is only a method to pacify your disturbed mind and heart. Prayers help you move on in life. And this is probably the essence of our religion.
So not willing to antagonise the invisible powers, I submit myself before them. My day begins with a prayer and ends in one. When I am in a difficult juncture in life, I thank God for giving me the courage to deal with the situation.
My parents are with me and rightfully understand me well. It is their blessings that, in my understanding, sees me through all obstacles and tests. I vividly remember, with great difficulty I got a fortnight’s leave for preparing for the final examination of the Institute of Company Secretaries of India.
During the time, my father had collapsed and the remaining part of the leave days, were spent tending to him at home and in the hospital. My preparations for the examination were hampered. When the day of the examination arrived, my father said, “You took leave to study, but were forced to spend time with me. You will surely pass.”
His words came true and I cleared the exams on my first attempt effortlessly.
My life revolves around my parents – my living Gods - and as long as they are with me, What is the need for me to stand before a portrait or idol and pray? This is the question I keep asking myself. Even when my parents are not around, the their memories and advices, and words of wisdom should see me through my life time. In any case, if I have a problem, the deities in the temple or puja room are not going to talk to me to redress my grievance. They are not going to offer any solution. If a colleague or relative comes forward to help me, I can attribute their assistance to God having answered my prayer through them and if no one comes to my rescue, then take it that I am paying for my sins. As simple as that.
There may be embarrassing moments, inexplicable situations where I may not be able to vent my feelings or express myself standing before my parents. In such situations probably standing before a portrait or idol and pouring my heart out may help ease the pain.
But I prefer to listen to my inner voice, my conscience, for whatever it is worth, leaving the outcome to my fate.
(ranjitha@newindianexpress.com)