BENGALURU: I am 26 years old.In a conservative community that is so close knit that you can smell what’s cooking in your neighbours house, whispers of, “What is wrong with her, how come she isn’t married yet?” are hard to miss. In the words of an overly concerned aunty whose face I haven’t seen in the last two years, but who cares deeply for me, “it’s time.. start looking for a groom. It’s HIGH-time.”
Unmanageable and unmarriageable at 26, I am an old hag for most people — arrogant and snooty for those who can’t find a reason for me to not be married — or too demanding for boys who don’t meet my criteria.
In one of my very latest experiments with ‘boy meeting’, I came across a stallion whose advice to me for finding a good groom was to starting wearing a rida (the traditional burkha that the women in my community adhere to). The stallion in question is rather moderate in his religious beliefs and does not maintain a beard or wear a skull cap. The advice therefore was not just unsolicited but also hypocritical.
Marriage has, in a way, become an accomplishment instead of being a commitment you willingly make. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not anti-marriage. In fact, it was my childhood dream to be married at 22 (my ex genuinely tried his best to make me see the stupidity of this dream, but listening to reason isn’t one of my strong points).
In another one of my meetings, I was told, “You are not open-minded and someone who takes life as it comes, that’s the kind of girl I am looking for.” Those who know me well enough will vouch for the fact that there are few people who are more open-minded than me. The reason for this feedback was that I had expressed my wish to be married to someone who was financially secure and mentally stable as a partner (forgive me for wanting to marry a guy who makes more money than me, I ain’t a gold digger but I want to have the choice of being able to quit my job and be with my kids, if and when I do have them).
I have realised the older I grow, the more clear I am about the kind of person I want to spend the rest of my life with (when I expressed this to a relative I was told, “Stop talking like a white girl”).
Love is such a complex thing. Yes, it is exciting and tingly in the beginning and then it gets mundane. But I love the mundane part of love, the part where he knows what fruit you like and buys it because he knows you won’t buy it because it’s too expensive.
Or when he knows that you are so lazy that even though you have bought blinds for your room, you will never put them up yourself.
It’s something he will have to do for you. The part where he knows you are incorrigible and will make a point to tell you so. The part where the person you are in love with is also your closest friend.
Will I find a love like that, and when I do will he feel the same way? I don’t know.
Meanwhile, to all those who think it’s getting too late for me, I say, “Better safe than sorry.”