BENGALURU: I am seeing two men who are younger than I, both know about each other. But things are getting serious and I can sense that they are jealous that I am seeing the other. My friends advised that I should just take some time off to myself and not see anyone and then take a call. I am confused. Shouldn’t I be spending more time with each on and then decide or would it further complicate the situation? One person is really nice and a good boyfriend material but I am not physically attracted to him. The other person, I feel is a bit unhealthy since we both share a lot of moments of frustrations and also distrust. But I am extrememly attracted to him and he feels the same. Please help.
Selecting a marriage partner is subjective and therefore not easy as many times we ourselves do not know what we want. Physical attraction, as well as compatibility are important in a marriage. But again what is more important is an individual’s choice and therefore it becomes subjective. First be clear about your expectations and what you are looking for in your life partner. Then prioritize those expectations as a perfect match may not be possible in the real world. Once you have the clarity, what you prioritize will be easier for you to handle the situation i.e. what to do whether to meet or not to meet both of them, how much time to spend/ not to spend etc. Finally in any case the decision has to come from you.
I am a 25-year-old and I do not want to get married. The maximum level of commitment is a probably just a live-in relationship. How do I confront my conservative parents?
First be clear about your reasons for not wanting to get married and being open to a live-in relationship. Every option has a positive as well as a negative side. Thereafter rather than confronting your parents communicate it to them. With parents a generation gap is always there but communication is very important in all the relationships. While they may not agree it is possible that they may understand the motivations behind your choice. Be persistent for what you believe in and at the same time keep the channels of communication open.
I get emotionally attached to people I meet but when I break up, it gets difficult to trust new people. It is hard to mend broken heart. There’s tear, frustration, anger and love. How do I overcome my fear?
It is natural to feel hurt when relationships break and then for the trust issues to arise along with a lot of other emotions that you have mentioned. Fear arises because you are uncertain about the outcome. If you think through the possible outcomes then it may be easier to face the uncertainty. Also, any relationship is co-created. So be aware of your contribution in this matter. Has it become a repetitive pattern? Are you clear about what are you looking for in a person as well as in a relationship? This introspection will give you a better understanding about the whole scenario and help you to feel grounded.
– Consultant Psychologist and Psychotherapist Fortis Hospital.
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