BENGALURU: You probably have heard versions of these two stories, or seen movie versions of them: In the first story, our champion is seeking a relationship, and goes around town, taking a glass slipper to see which person is an exact fit for that sorry, declaring that person to be the partner for our champion. In that fairytale, before the magical fit happens, the story has lots of wishful people breaking their feet or stretching it out to try and fit into the mythical slipper. Nobody questions why the slipper did not continue to be taken around, in case there were other perfect fits, and of course, it is weird the slipper never breaks!
The second story is a lot older. It is the Greek myth of Procrustes who had one bed for anyone visiting, and if the person was too long for that one bed, their legs would get chopped off till they fit in it, and if the visitor just happened to be too short for a snug fit, they would be stretched out till they fit perfectly in it. Whichever way it was, the person would die in a lot of pain.
There are versions of the Procrustes myth and the glass slipper story in so many different cultures. Whether it is the glass slipper or some Procrustean rule, both really are a metaphor for forcefully trying to fit into someone’s idea of what is perfect, or violently making someone conform to one’s idea of what is the perfect fit. Maybe there’s a perfect person who fits that slipper or the bed, maybe not – but the search for that perfect pertain is riddled with risk, certainly for those really wishing to fit, and at least for Procrustes, a deadly risk, having gotten killed by Theseus while trying the same trick with that demigod.
When we think of these stories in the context of love and relationships, the parallel is to consider if we are taking an idea of what is the perfect relationship and trying to forcefully fit someone into it, or if we are so enamored by somebody or caught up in their charms, that we try to force ourselves to fit into what they wish. If this dreamy person comes along but only wants someone who will keep house for them in their remote corner of the world, would we quit working, cut off friends, move continents and so on, just to fit into this version of the glass slipper? Or, on the other hand, would we be Procrustes, demanding, for example, that the one for us must definitely give up all of their previous identity, completely change and that we would stretch and break them to make them into what we want, regardless of what pain it might cause them?
Often, love and relationships feel torturous because knowingly or unknowingly, or just because of tradition or custom, we might cause or accept such violence as a necessary aspect of life. Some might even romanticise these as a sacrifice, or major acts of love. It doesn’t have to be anything like that. We can love ourselves better and find better love for ourselves.)