CHENNAI: So, before you read this article, go search for ‘Fergie’s MILF’ on YouTube. Watch the video and then come back to this. Done? Watched? Okay, we’re good to go!
So…what did you think? Move over Stifler’s Mom right? Oh! Sorry, this video is not about moms you want to f***, but about ‘Mom’s I’d like to Follow’. Like on Instagram!
The artiste, Fergie wants us to know this about her song: “Being a mom and having a career, taking care of yourself and still being able to be flirty and fun and a little naughty sometimes — there’s nothing wrong with that.”
I agree. Nothing wrong at all. But boy did I not get the memo about how moms are having fun these days. I mean ladies, I have been doing it all wrong! I need to stop downloading those free erotica e-books from Kindle and buying a Magnum bar for myself on the weekly grocery run. But, how lucky am I?
Help is here in the form of Fergie’s hot mom squad including Kim Kardashian West, Chrissy Teigen, Ciara, Alessandra Ambrosia and Amber Valletta amongst others. The video is a masterclass in being flirty, fun and sexy. When you’re a supermodel.
There’s nothing remotely sexual about this video at all. I mean, once you overlook the latex, garter belts, stilettos and every male sexual fantasy from cane wielding teachers to cleavage wielding waitresses…no no. This video is for the moms. I’ve watched it several times, and I still can’t figure out which part exactly is for mothers.
Is it: 1. When a supermodel is trimming her hedge in sexy lingerie? 2. The spa scene replete with milk showers and milk baths? That’s a reminder to take care of ourselves. Got it. 3. The subtle feel empowered about breastfeeding message? Though I think by the time a lactating mother manages to manoeuvre one of her breasts out of a ‘Slippery When Wet’ shirt and get it in to their kid’s mouth, the baby will be blue in the face, screaming bloody murder with hunger.
The internet is divided. ‘Yes!’ say some mothers. This video is exactly how I am. ‘My hair and nails are fleek’, scream lyrics. My hair and nails look like they belong to an Orc costume, so epic FAIL there. Others are offended by Kim K’s allegedly photoshopped waist and the pressure the video puts on moms to look a certain way.
Because mothers are so stupid that of course, we see a music video and feel bad about ourselves. I mean as I type this an overwhelming urge to get breast implants, dye my hair peroxide blonde and wear a frilly peignoir is taking over my Mombie brain.
This video isn’t about being a real, desirable older woman. It isn’t about being empowered as a mother either. And I get it. Neither necessarily translates into an exciting, wet dream fuelling video that will break the internet. But I’m pissed off that I should
be grateful as a woman for this ‘how to video’. It isn’t for mothers. It’s for horny guys who just happen to have a tube of lube to spare.
(The writer’s parenting philosophy is: if there’s no blood, don’t call me)