Becoming a mother often comes with a side of chaos, not just diapers, midnight feeds, or lullabies, but something far less spoken, the sheer overload of advice. From well-meaning relatives to parenting influencers on Instagram, new mothers are constantly surrounded by voices telling them what to do, especially when it comes to breastfeeding.
Instead of feeling relieved that they have people to guide them, often mothers are confused, and in most cases, overwhelmed because today’s mothers are raising their babies in the era of Instagram, WhatsApp, and parenting influencers. In a world of overflowing information, what’s truly missing is genuine support.
When advice turns into noise
For most mothers, the advice starts pouring even before the baby arrives. “You must exclusively breastfeed.” “Don’t give water till six months.” “Use this position.” “Avoid that food.” There is a barrage of dos and don’ts.
At present, there are also strangers online who have different versions of “getting it right”. The outcome is mothers begin to doubt themselves. Digital noise forces their instincts into the background. Instead of feeling like they are supported, they often feel judged. Thus, the mothers’ instincts are drowned by digital noise, rather than feeling confident and supported, they feel judged.
It is important for mothers to have a break, to reassure that they are doing well, and it’s a step-wise process, after all.
Unlearning myths is important since sometimes mothers tend to have already internalised these and accepted these as truths. Some of them are:
The baby is crying because the mother must not have enough milk.
If you give a bottle once, breastfeeding is ruined forever.
Breastfeeding should come naturally. If it’s hard, you’re doing it wrong.
You need to eat only bland food while nursing.
These myths come from different sources, the problem is not only that they are wrong, but they are delivered so confidently that mothers begin to believe that there is something wrong with their breastfeeding methods. They also feel ashamed for something that may not even be in their control. Worse, they may delay asking for help when it’s most needed.
The emotional toll
Social media plays a huge role in the emotional weight that the mothers carry, the perfectly portrayed pictures of mothers breastfeeding their infants under aesthetic lights do not show the cracked nipples, the tears, leaking breasts, soreness and hours figuring out a good latch. This comparison is crushing for new mothers in this digital era, since there is an enormous gap in expectations and reality.
Breastfeeding is a skill — not just an instinct
Breastfeeding doesn’t come naturally to everyone. It requires practice, patience, and support. Babies do not always latch easily; the supply does not always regulate smoothly. There are also real medical issues of hormonal imbalances, infections that can make the breastfeeding hard for mothers.
In earlier times, women learned from watching their mothers, sisters, or aunts. Breastfeeding was a community experience. Today, many women enter motherhood without ever having seen it up close. The support systems that once existed, are now replaced by Instagram reels and Google searches, which does not address the real challenges for mothers.
Some common breastfeeding challenges that mothers face are:
Nipple pain/discomfort: This happens most often due to poor latch. Apply cold compresses, or nipple cream. Generally, correcting latch continues to work for the mother. It soothes down the pain. Golden milk, also known as turmeric milk, can help decrease inflammation around the breast and helps in recovering in a short duration. It is also a wholesome part of postpartum diet.
Breast Engorgement: It is a situation when breasts are swollen and filled with milk. This can be resolved by frequently feeding breast milk, using warm compress before feeding, or express some milk prior.
Low milk supply: This is often caused by frequent feeding or continuous skin to skin time. There are many options for galactagogues to improve feed supply. In case of poor breast milk production, mothers can include fenugreek, fennel seeds, sesame seeds, protein rich food and leafy greens, in their diet; these are meant to support lactation.
Over supply: Block feeding method should be followed, expressing to relieve just enough breast milk to reduce pressure, and ensure to burp baby well.
Baby refusing milk intake: Check if latch is correct, if baby is teething or not feeling well, or if there is an oversupply. In any of these cases, there is a possibility that the baby will refuse milk intake. Sometimes, just changing positions or holding baby skin to skin is all that is needed.
Pumping breast milk: It is important for moms returning to work, and for moms who are having trouble with latch, to keep milk pumped. When pumping breast milk, it must be of good quality breast pump; it is necessary to
pay attention to hygiene
while pumping, and store milk according to the storage guidelines. Pumping breast milk can help with supply regulation and can help with a breast milk stash and or facilitate feeding flexibility.
It is also important to understand when to seek expert help when the pain is persistent even after feeding, when the baby does not latch on consistently, or when even after consistent feeding the baby is not gaining weight.
Support, not suggestions
It’s time we stop assuming that advice is equal to help. Because what most new mothers need is something far simpler — compassionate and structured support.
This means that access to trained lactation consultants can be life-changing (especially in the early weeks). Postnatal visits in hospitals should not be a matter of only weighing the infant. It should comprehensively look at feeding, physically and emotionally. Along with these, it is also crucial to help mothers know how to cradle their infant to correct feeding positions that’s comfortable for the baby as well as the mother.
Some ways a mother can cradle her baby are:
Cradle hold: This gives the comfort and support to feed the baby, and having a pillow for additional support can help too.
Football hold: This is helpful for C-section moms or twins.
Side-lying Position: This position is deal for night feeding or to rest after delivery.
Laid-back position: It helps naturally latching instincts in babies.
In all cases, the mother must be mindful of how to align the baby’s head, neck, and body properly.
While cradling, it is also important to understand which positions are good for the baby, and this can differ from each infant. Good signs of attachment include audible swallowing sounds, the infant’s chin touching the breast, the mouth being wide open with lips being flanged outward, and the baby’s cheeks being full and not sucked in.
It is essential for partners, families, and workplaces to equally understand they have a role in building an easier environment in terms of breastfeeding because support is not just coming from a clinic when they are providing space, support, time off and/or just listening without judgement.
Some mothers breastfeed for years, others stop after a few weeks, some combine methods — and all of them deserve the same kindness and respect.
In the age of viral tips and polished parenting reels, maybe what new mothers really need isn’t one more piece of advice — but someone who sits beside them, listens, understands.
(The writer Dr M Sandhya is a senior consultant - Institute of obstetrics, Gynaecology & IVF, SIMS Hospital, Chennai)