You must have seen the latest commercials by a popular chocolate brand. They are made with a lot of conviction and emotional connect that we naturally start having chocolates without feeling any guilt.
However, not many of us realise that life also needs to be lived guilt-free. But we are often chained with an emotion of guilt. Guilt is a strong emotion that has a victim polarity.
Feeling guilty creates emphasis on our helplessness and nourishing the victim mode in us. The victim emotion is not a healthy emotion as it keeps us away from taking responsibility of our actions. Often remorse is considered the synonym of guilt. In cognitive science and spiritual path both these words have their own footing. While guilt helps us shrug off our responsibility and feed the victim mode inside us, feeling remorse makes us acknowledge the choices we made which could be bettered with time and wisdom.
In the latter it is a feeling to acknowledge and accept our actions and take responsibility for them. That is indeed a nourishing emotion for self-development.
Life can bring us several experiences to fall in the trap of “guilt”.
Our inability to act when it was required, a decision we made, unsuccessful relationships, inability to live as per societal norms, exploring our sexuality are some. The moment we attach the emotion of guilt to our experiences, we simply put a stop to the learning that particular life experience brings with it.
As a result, because our learning is not complete, we keep attracting the same pattern again and again. This keeps the vicious cycle of guilt going on! One of the simplest ways to overcome this is to replace the word guilt with remorse in your expressions.
Instead of saying, “I feel guilty”, say, “I feel remorseful. What can I do to make me/you feel better?” The moment we do, first there is an acceptance of a feeling that follows with an action to improvise it.
And isn’t life all about accepting ourselves completely with improvisations every minute and every day? Our chest stores emotions related to guilt. If you have a closer look into the life of people with stooping shoulders or overly expanded chest, often you will come across a lot of guilt stored in their life.
A classic example is the growing up of a girl child. In India while all are welcoming changes and demanding equality of sexes, genetically we are still carrying an imprint of females being the lesser sex. As a child, the guilt of being a female starts with puberty and the developing breasts. Most of the girls during this age develop the guilt of being a girl, the fear of being used and the feeling of lesser sex. The result is not far and soon you notice the stooping shoulders. One of the ways to address this lessening emotion in our daughters would be to make them stretch open their arms and repeat the affirmation everyday, “I’m a beautifully growing woman”, especially during the early days of puberty.
I experienced a huge shift within me post my Core Empowerment Retreat led by Dr Paula Horan. She took me through several processes during the retreat which made me face my own guilt of being an “irresponsible child”, “my sexuality”, “my innate desires”, “guilt of being sexually abused child” and “my relationships with men” which was an eye opener. I was not even aware of most of these emotions and it was like opening a Pandora of guilt! I addressed most of the “guilt” from the past and I am always eagerly looking forward to resolve in the upcoming one! The truth is no actions will be in greater good if they don’t come from the space of love and acceptance. The choice is ours to be in a battle field or a peaceful journey of living a guilt-free life.
Megha Dinesh (Megha is a 33-year-old wellness expert and healer whose approach is holistic, intense and deep. She is the founder of Meghavi spa and salon located in Banjara Hills)