HYDERABAD: “Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go,” says Jamie Anderson, author of Space Precinct Reloaded. Grief may transpire with losing your loved ones, losing your job, separating from your partner, or being separated from something you were associated with for a very long time.
In such situations, sometimes it becomes difficult to admit your feelings, and you tend to nudge the grief aside. There are several reasons to understand why you are not allowing yourselves to grieve; one might be that the actuality of grieving might differ from what you were expecting. The recent pandemic has left us with a void in our hearts forever. We witnessed losing our loved ones; therefore, the ruthless imprint of that impact cannot be overlooked.
Dr Charan Teja, neuropsychiatrist, KIMS Hospital, mentions how unresolved grief causes consequences with destructive and self-harming behaviours. They will likely experience panic attacks, depression, and phobia and be shackled to drugs and intoxication. He specified how he witnesses men, compared to others, come in for unresolved grief. Due to societal and family pressures, they tend to stay numb, which causes consequences like sleep issues or uncontrolled intoxication problems. “In an Indian setup, our families are very close-knit and are a great support system.
The 11th-day gathering of death in Indian households is to celebrate the life of the one we lost. It is to remind ourselves that we are not alone in this. When the whole family comes together, it builds a support system for each other. In simple things like this, we need to find something to lean on and grieve,” says Dr Charan Teja. It is always advisable to vent it out rather than completely shut ourselves out. Performing a few activities can help you get closure for your unfinished plans and conversations.
“There was this hollow void in me when my grandmother was taken away by Covid-19. There was no option other than dealing with it. It isn’t easy to explain, but sometimes no matter how much we want to celebrate that person’s life, our own sorrow and emptiness make us selfish. It doesn’t let us celebrate. But I am proud of myself for how I dealt with it without losing faith. I didn’t want my pain to overpower the joy she left behind. I read our messages, and sometimes I even forward those messages to myself and just remember the good times.
That’s all,” shares Marie, a postgraduate. The healing processes are poles apart from one individual to another. If reading a message from them gives you joy, someone else procures joy from talking about them; as mentioned, grief is loving every day more and more with no place to go. It takes a lot of courage to admit, and asking for help may seem vulnerable, but it is the most courageous thing you can do for yourself today. “Losing my mother has been the biggest loss for me. To look at my everyday life, the smallest of the events happening in life, and imagine what could’ve been if she was here with me through it all. For a long time, the unresolved grief created this huge void within me that had no escape, and I felt lonely all the time.
It took me long enough to understand that even if the person might not be here, it’s their love that keeps us going. Remind yourself again and again that it’s love that stays forever. Talk about your person. It’s okay to talk about them normally without feeling weird. Mention their name, who they were, what they enjoyed, and how beautiful their life was. Grief is about love and the joy love brings; it’s totally okay for it to coexist even with one another,”concludes Vartika Srivastava, an Amity University alumna.
Few activities to cope with grief/ for closure