Of all the things we take lightly in Hyderabad — traffic rules, gym memberships, deadlines — the most dangerous one has to be fire safety. The last time we thought about fire seriously was when Allu Arjun said, “Pushpa ante flower anukunnava? Fireuu!”
Fire safety is like Fahadh Faasil’s role in Pushpa — technically present, but no one takes it seriously.
Fire safety is as old as fire itself, to be honest. We had a chapter in our science books about it. There’s a fire safety manual somewhere in the office, but we didn’t even read our own employment contract fully, so why would we read this? I’ll bet one year’s worth of biryani that apart from the guy who wrote the fire safety manual, if you ask anyone in Hyderabad the right way to handle a fire, they’ll still say, “Bhaago!”
Why are we so casual?
Most of us have only seen fires from a distance — maybe in a news clip or when a Diwali rocket attacked our neighbour’s lungi. It doesn’t scare us because it’s never happened to us. And those who’ve seen it up close? Well…they don’t live long enough to share tips.
At my old office, HR announced a mandatory fire safety session. Immediately, the least productive guy in the team panicked, “Arrey, if I attend this, my boss will fire me for not finishing today’s work!” He was fired anyway for overacting.
When HR’s face itself started looking like a red fire extinguisher, we all got up. Some of us slipped into a “sutta break” because, if my lungs can handle tobacco smoke, my body can handle a building fire.
The fire safety session: A lost cause
The fire officer was well-prepared, but unfortunately, he had a thick regional accent. Instead of listening to his life-
saving tips, we were busy making fun of how he said “exit” as “eggjeet.”
Then came the fire warden — the office guy responsible for guiding us in an emergency. The same guy who takes three reminders to submit a timesheet is now in charge of saving lives? No thanks, bro. I’ll take my chances with Yamraj — at least he sticks to deadlines.
Finally, we were shown how to use a fire extinguisher. It follows the PASS method:
P - Pull the pin (Which one is the pin? No clue. We’ll probably pull everything except the pin.)
A - Aim at the base of the fire (Bro, we can’t even aim properly in the washroom, and you expect precision during a fire?)
S - Squeeze the handle (Which, of course, will be jammed shut because the fire extinguisher is as old as our office inauguration ribbon.)
S - Sweep side to side (Like John Wick with a gun, but let’s be honest — by this point, we’ve already accepted our fate.)
But let’s be real — when a fire actually breaks out, nobody is remembering PASS. The only step we’ll follow is the most ancient and effective survival technique known to mankind — BHAAGO!
Sandesh Johnny
@johnnykasandesh
(This comedian is here to tell funny stories about Hyderabad)
(The writer’s views are his own)