It’s still the first week of the year, so it’s nice to wish for things because I believe the tech guys haven’t figured out their New Year goals yet. And if my manifestation reaches their to-do list, I think we’ll have a smoother 2026. So here are a few tech updates I would come up with if I was a professional innovator.
All-weather AC
We saw in 2025 that the weather completely flipped and gave a full 360-degree show. Summer touched 50 degrees, winter touched 5 degrees. But our AC still has a range of just 15 degrees.
Why?
We need an AC that goes from 0 to 60 in 5 seconds, like Fast & Furious, not 16 to 32 like a coming-of-age movie. It should also come with a water sprinkler, air purifier, Vicks inhaler, and a fog smoker for the times we dance at home.
Vehicles with in-built social media
It’s established that we use social media for everything and everywhere, so why not put it directly into vehicles?
Next to the indicator button, there should be a like button. Next to the headlights button, a share button. And next to the parking lights, a few reply buttons with basic emojis.
We failed to limit screen time last year. Let’s try integration this time.
One cream for all
Okay fine. We now know skincare is important. We’ve started it thanks to influencers, pollution, faster ageing, alcohol, pollution again, and Google Meet.
But do you really expect me to use lip balm, moisturiser, sunscreen, another cream, then a face mask, and then put on a helmet?
Can we just have one cream that rules them all? There are other parts of the body that need attention. There is an unattended Indian beer belly that needs focus. I can’t be stuck fixing my face card while the rest of my body report card sucks.
Mandatory 8-hour sleeping bed
Sleep is the new walking.
Last year, the best health advice I got from Dakota Johnson and Virat Kohli’s ex-doctor was that sleep is very important. You can’t miss sleep.
So why not have a mattress that won’t let you get up until you complete 8 hours? If you wake up, it plays one song or a Ranveer Allahbadia podcast. If that fails, it reads a good book until you fall asleep again.
I know this is a hard product to sell, so we can bundle shoes that make you walk 10,000 steps or else they won’t come off for free.
Calorie remover
Simple product. You buy anything. Burger, pizza, biryani. You put it in the remover and it removes all fat, sugar, and oil.
Then you eat bondas, burgers, biryanis and happily post food reels and six-pack photos from the same account without using AI.
Air fryers were good, but I want something that removes harmful calories at 1 am from my Swiggy order.
Different app for love and hate
Right now, one app gives us everything. News, comedy, cricket, music, movies. Facebook, Instagram, X. Same problem.
If we want a less toxic 2026, make two apps.
One app only for hate. Politics, war, oppression, veganism, climate change. Another app only for joy. Food reels, dog videos, kids laughing, women singing.
My day started with Gaza air bombing, then cute dogs, then a guy eating pizza in Italy, and then an Uber driver fighting with a passenger.
I need consistency.
So two apps. One for hate. One for love.
Sandesh
@msgfromsandesh
(This comedian is here to tell funny stories about Hyderabad)
(The writer’s views are his own)