I am addicted to social media networks like Facebook and even Whatsapp. I deactivated and uninstalled it but ended up installing and activating it again. How do I stop this? Networked addict
Dear Readers,
Our topic for this week's conversation is something that's plaguing both youngsters and adults. The impact of social media and chat tools on our lives has always been debated and it's impossible to arrive at a conclusion on whether it's good or bad.
TOO MUCH IS TOO BAD. It's true with all aspects of life, isn't it?
Statistics show how social media is a hampering lives on many fronts, be it personal, family or professional. It's an age where popularity is based on number of LIKES. We're becoming more UNSOCIAL by being more active on social media sites.
Why are we so addicted?
Evolution of technology and the dawn of the SMARTPHONE age is a major factor of addiction. We have high speed internet, smartphones with apps and social networks for different purposes, each with predominantly different content. The FIRST CHALLENGE we face is being active on all these channels, leading to information overload.
The Psychological Factors
The two most important reasons why we are active on social media is CURIOSITY & TO GARNER ATTENTION.
We want to know what's happening in other's lives and love being showered with ATTENTION and enjoy being POPULAR!
Another factor is LONELINESS. We tend to be active on social media as it gives us a sense of mingling with people, makes us comfortable with interactions without having to sacrifice personal space or having a face to face conversations.
Individuals tend to use social media to vent and rant too. This makes them dependant to manage anger through it.
Finally, we are addicted because we are LAZY! We PROCRASTINATE... It starts as relaxation or timepass but ends with scrolling an infinite news feed thereby losing track of time.
There are advantages of these channels but I'll choose not to discuss them as my purpose is to make lives better by adding value, not give you more excuses to get addicted to it at this point of time.
How to break off from the addiction
I'd like to emphasise on AWARENESS of YOURSELF first! Identify the reasons for addiction — lonely, depression, need to vent, looking to pass time, relax or beat boredom, etc. Once you know the cause, it's easier to deal with it.
Next comes BALANCE. Allot time and stick to it. Since this doesn't need 100% attention, you can use it while travelling, or at the gym etc. Definitely not while driving or riding! This is a never ending circle so you must STOP it at some point.
Filter your friend list and try to keep in touch with the ones who matter to you and do not encourage stalkers. This will ensure that you only follow people who are important to you, which also means less information on your timeline.
My Final Word
Even though I'm fairly popular, I'm least active on social media. If you check my Facebook page I might not even have 1,000 followers, but I'm reaching out to almost three lakh people through my column. It doesn't matter how active you are on these channels, the IMPACT that you create and the value you add to society matters. Let's all become HUMANS from DIGITAL BEINGS. Let's rekindle the family dinners, hang out with friends and interact with our hearts. I'm not against these channels, I'm just concerned that in the near future, we will forget to talk and remember only how to type!
With Regards, Adarsh Basavaraj The Coach
I am in love with my student who is four years younger than me. Her frank character is impressive. We are close and she shares everything with me. But she has a boyfriend and can't forget him even though he is not good. I chatted with him on FB through my sister's ID and he proposed within three days. But the student doesn't know this. Our caste is different. I don't want to marry her nor can I ditch her. Help! Doggone Dilemma
What do you mean, you can't marry her but don't want to ditch her? Pull yourself together.
You shouldn't have personally involved yourself! You could have just given her guidance. If she was a friend from a different workplace then all this makes sense.
I uncerstand love can happen anywhere. But if it was true love, you wouldn't give excuses like caste, etc. LOVE is unconditional, you either love her or you don't. LOVE is also mutual. If she felt the same way, she would make you feel it, I hope you're not just assuming.
But, considering your query, it looks like an infatuation developed because of spending time together. This is why teachers are discouraged from getting personal with students.
Since you're not confident about this, stop it and get professional. Stop trying to impress her and start to detach. Whether you want to tell her about her ex is left to you but, if you tell her, get into a relationship and ditch her, she'll be shattered. Don't get into a relationship if you cannot get married to her!
I am addicted to drugs, no boy likes me or wants to be my boyfriend. I can't even study. Narcopolis
Firstly, I'm worried about your drug addiction. Please understand that this is just going to make you feel more miserable, cause depression and drug overdose. Life is to LIVE! Not BE ALIVE yet DEAD inside. If required, join a rehabilitation centre. If you need help talking to your parents, write to us and I'll do it. Once you are dependent on drugs, your nervous system gets impaired which leads to a lot of complications.
Maybe no boy wants to be with you because of your drug-induced mood swings or they just want to have fun and not get serious because you're a mess.
Not being able to study also is a result of lack of focus or craving for drugs that doesn't allow you to keep calm, concentrate and finish tasks.
I strongly suggest you meet a psychiatrist, I also want you to understand that addiction to anything is a result of something you haven't been able to cope with. It'll be great if you can make a list of things that make you want to use drugs. Is it loneliness, if yes why?, etc.
Then it'll be easier to create an action plan to tackle the challenge. For example, if it's loneliness, you need to meet new friends, join a hobby class, go to a gym etc.
Exercise really helps one get out of this mode. Whenever you feel like taking drugs, replace that craving with the craving for exercise. You'll not become more fit, you'll also undo the damage of you're body.
One more final but very serious bit of advice. You're in the WRONG COMPANY! Stay away from from the group of people or so called friends that are drug users, be it recreational or abuse. Not a single person who uses it should be in contact with you, that's what you have to ensure. It's my request for you to TAKE ACTION NOW! As I've see people suffer from drugs miserably. You have age on your side, dear. It's the right time to bounce back! Please do, I'm sure you'll make me proud.
I'm pursuing a Bachelors in Physiotherapy, second year. I always wanted to pursue MBBS but I was unable to qualify so I opted for this. I am not enjoying or studying well. I am just wasting my life. Sad One
Even though you must always follow your passion, sometimes there are challenges to it. Overcoming them is what proves that it was your passion in the first place.
Sometimes we confuse our desire with our passion. Maybe that's what has happened with you. Seem like you want to be a doctor because of others' expectations rather than your interest. If you're finding physiotherapy difficult and dull, then you'll definitely not qualify to become a doctor as MBBS is more tough.
Relax and think about what interests you and search for certification courses. I feel that you should pursue Physiotherapy, there's a lot of demand for it. Think about doing a certificate course from the American Council On Exercise, it'll be of value. Also, while studying be comfortable and ensure that your mind doesn't wander.
I'm in engineering and not able to study because of family issues. My father is addicted to alcohol and not ready to quit. I'm disturbed. Am Scared
It's challenging to handle a alcoholic, especially if it's your father. On the flip side, let it motivate you to study better, get a job and take care of your family. Be successful and reduce the agony at home and become financially sound.
Alcoholism is a menace that effects people in many ways be it inter-personal, intra-personal or professional. But it always has CAUSES, alcoholism is the EFFECT.
Find out why your father drinks. Is it depression, pressure which he is unable to cope with, family or work issues?
Have this talk when he's sober. You need to be calm and soft spoken. Request him to be calm and open with you.
If you're unable to get through, find someone he's comfortable with and request them to find the reason. He might be addicted, but it'll have a cause or reason.
If it's required, think about putting him in a rehabilitation centre. Ensure that he doesn't relapse later. Also, don't get into arguments with him when he's drunk
Ensure that you go out of the house if your father gets abusive verbally or physically. Distract yourself from his behaviour while at home. Read, go for a walk, or listen to music.
But one strong advice... Don't ever START DRINKING AND BECOME A ALCOHOLIC!
I'm a 15-year-old girl, good in studies, sports and other activities. But I don't have a best friend. How should I behave to get one? I'm so lonely
One fundamental aspect that forms the basis of any relationship is TRUST! I say this because you cannot behave differently just to have a best friend. You'll be pretending which will lead to a friendship based on a lie. In order to have a BESTIE the first rule is BE YOURSELF. That's when you'll create a strong bond. In order to be best friends, you should have same or similar interests, some characteristics in common, etc. It's not a mandate though, I've seen best friends who are as different as fingerprints.
Don't worry too much, it's not mandatory to have a best friend. You can rely on your family for emotional support. Since you have your life pretty much on track, focus on what's important. You don't go searching for a BEST FRIEND, they enter your life when it's time. Meet a lot of friends, go out and build bonds... You never know, your bestie might have been right in front of you all this while.