Happily ever after
HYDERABAD: Recently, popular Telugu singer-dubbing artiste Sunitha Upadrasta, 42, announced her engagement to businessman Rama Krishna Veerapaneni in Hyderabad. Sharing pictures from her intimate engagement ceremony, she wrote, “Like every mother, I dream of settling my children down well. At the same time, I am blessed with wonderful and thoughtful children and parents who always want to see me well settled in life…. the moment has finally come… Ram has entered my life as a caring friend and a wonderful partner…we both are delighted to enter into wedlock very soon.”
Just like her, many Hyderabadi women –single, divorced, or widowed – are finding love and getting married late in life. “I had been in a difficult arranged marriage for 13 years when I walked out with two kids aged 11 and 9,” says Hema, a social entrepreneur and founder, Color D Earth, which retails in handcrafted terracotta jewellery. “I headhunted Murali for a senior position many years ago and we hit it off at once. We stayed in touch. We always had mutual respect for each other. We began as best friends and several years later our chemistry changed into love,” shares the Hyderabadi.
Hema, now 47, says, “He was 40, and I was 45 when we got married in 2018.” Did their families accept the marriage readily? She replies: “It was tougher for his family to accept us. It was easier for my children and close family, they loved and accepted him wholeheartedly.” Hema’s son is studying Machine Learning and her daughter is pursuing BA in Art History. She says, “I feel truly blessed that we found love with each other, one that’s built on a strong foundation of mutual respect, freedom, and trust. Life’s tougher experiences have taught us to be deeply appreciative of every moment and live it to the fullest.”
Bindu Naidu, 45, an advocate from the city, got married to Subhash three years back. She shares, “After having endured a bad marriage which finally fell apart after 13 years, I still had to fight a bitter divorce battle for eight years for the custody of my two kids (eight and three) and for my property.” She adds, “It was my 15-year-old daughter who said to me — ‘You need to find yourself a companion; you have the right to be happy’. That’s when I told my close friends to help me find the right man.” So how has it been till now? She replies: “Our sons who are a week apart became friends instantly and both my kids really like Subhash for his soft demeanour and non-intrusive behaviour. Our kids — now 22, 17 and 17 — are great friends. My family and friends love him and we have a very friendly relationship with each other and both families and all friends.”
Both Hema and Bindu say, “Age is just a number” and “there is no bar to being happy.” Hema says, “Women are increasingly deciding to marry later, especially, when they are well settled in their career or have had an unsuccessful first marriage. In my case, when I decided to look for a partner, it was clear that we wouldn’t want to repeat the same mistakes.” What is their advice for women who choose to take the leap late in life? Bindu says, “It is important to make sure you don’t fall into a pit again, so better to be wary and vigilant. Don’t trust blindly. Do your homework and don’t hesitate to say ‘no’ at any point. Trust your instincts.” Hema adds, “Women should be extra careful when there is any sign of desperation or hurriedness in the partner to push things.”
Marrying after age 40
Rajeshwari Luther, therapist, co-founder and director of Hyderabad-based Hope Trust, says, “Late marriages have as much chance of success as do the ones at an early age. In fact, the partners are more mature and are likely to choose wisely, not impulsively.” Rajesh V Menon, a relationship counsellor, says, “At forty, the individuals are matured to make the right choice. The aspect of companionship and social security play an important role at forty and above.”
Rajeshwari adds: “With women getting more liberated, they are increasingly establishing relationships after 40. It is a healthy practice because companionship is important during middle and old age. Children (if any) would have left home to make their place in the world. They should also be wary of any financial traps.”
Reasons women marry late
Seeking companionship
Emotional and financial support
Fulfilling physical needs
Wider social acceptance
Travel partner
Collaborating in any shared interests or business
— Rajeshwari Luther
— Tamanna S Mehdi
tamanna@newindianexpress.com @tamannamehdi