In a silent mind, the dance of joy is experienced. If we are depleted, there is a leakage of energy. We then try to draw energy from our partner. Each one starts sapping the other’s energy. Thus, we become dependent on the other. The other feels miserable if one is dependent. Then one becomes possessive. No one likes to be possessed. Freedom is our birthright. This leads to pushing the partner out of their freedom zone. The partner feels rejected. This rejected self will maintain a mental score and wait to settle it in future. With this, a war of roses will occur. All you can do is create a bliss body within yourself.
There are five layers within you:
Physical body: It has to be awakened through exercise, yoga, dance and a balanced diet. Keep the body alive and enthusiastic to awaken a happy energy within the body.
Pranic or breath body: Breathe deeply through pranayama and find a different kind of joy surfacing within you. Shallow breathing creates a low energy field, while deep breathing enhances one’s aliveness.
Mental body: A calm mind has a different quality of joy compared to a noisy mind, which causes leakage of energy.
Intellectual body: When your intellect is open and receptive, another dimension of blissful energy arises. One who is open and receptive like children is always learning.
Bliss body: In deep sleep, the bliss body opens up naturally. In the waking state, if one is committed to being happy and learns to look at life in a celebratory way, a bliss centre is awakened.
If you have tapped all these five layers within, you will overflow with joy. The relationship will reach its peak when you open all the five centres within you. Share joy and do not beg for it. Your partner will feel a sense of belonging. You will not sap the energy of the other, as you are already overflowing.
In a relationship, one has to get out of addictive demands. We are generally lost either in the past or in the future, and not alive in the present. Husbands and wives are usually lost in their demands and thus miss the now. A spouse should know how to be present in the now. Being present creates a different quality of presence.
Instead of demands, one can have preferences. There is a difference between the two. A demand makes one rigid and overpowering—meaning, “Without this, I refuse to be happy”—while a preference makes one light and inclusive: “I prefer this, but if it does not happen, it is okay.” It makes one more flexible.
Another sign of an enlightened relationship is the understanding that happiness is within. A partner is one who helps you go within. “Antahsukham (happiness is within),” says Lord Krishna in the Bhagavad Gita.
A relationship may start with selfishness, but it has to move towards a unified self. Selfishness leads to compulsiveness. Love is inclusive, whereas likes are exclusive. Let the relationship be based on love and not on likes.
The foolishness of the ‘I’ has to be understood. You, as an individual, are very, very tiny and insignificant in the whole cosmos, yet you live as though you are the most important person in it. Can you see this foolishness?