HYDERABAD: Are you wearing the shoes you are wearing because you like them or because everyone else is wearing them? Or your shirt? Or the latest book you picked up? Whether we realise it or not, a lot of our everyday choices are dictated or at least affected by things outside us, especially our friends.
In psychological terms, this phenomenon is called as peer pressure and is especially potent in groups of youngsters/ adolescents.
From minor decisions about your style statement, peer pressure can influence your ways of thinking, your habits good or bad and even your career choices.
No wonder most teenagers, unable to cope with the peer pressure, feel like misfits and want to belong somewhere! Add to this the pressure to not be left out/alone, especially in celebrations like the Valentine’s Day and the situation can be anyone’s nightmare.
“I was never a very popular guy in school and could barely talk to girls. I used to be the brunt of many jokes of Valentine’s Day! It seems stupid now but then I used to be very upset about it,” reveals 21-year-old Vishal.
“Now it hardly matters. My communication skills are better than before (laughs) and there are no V-Day jokes being cracked on me. I think peer pressure is more of a teenage phenomenon and we outgrow it as we progress in life,” he adds.
Is it though? “Peer pressure is definitely a strong force in the life of many teenagers but it’s not true that the pressure disappears as we grow older.
And it is not just about the Valentine’s Day, it influences things we do otherwise too,” says Dr Rooma Sinha, a mental health expert.
This said and done, how are adolescents in the city standing up to the occasion? “Valentines Day has become a fad more than anything else these days. You are expected to go out on a ‘date’ and spend time with your loved one otherwise you are not cool enough. I personally don’t want to adhere to these notions.
If you love someone you don’t need a designated day to celebrate your relationship. And it is easier on the pocket too!” says 18-year old Ishita.
Another question worth pondering over is how long would such ‘relationships’ fostered under external pressure survive.
“I don’t think longevity is high on the priority list of teenagers who want to be in a relationship to not feel like outsiders. But as long as both parties consent, there is no harm done,” says 25-yearold Preeti, a student.
To draw the line between the reasonable and the not-so reasonable is difficult business however.
Thwarted affection and repeated refusal from your ‘beloved’ can sometimes push people over the brink, as is demonstrated by increasing incidents of violent retaliations, like the infamous acid attack on Swapnika, the B.tech student from Warangal.
On whose shoulders does the responsibility for such outrage fall? “When people start feeling that they can do anything and get away with it is difficult to imagine what lows they can go to,” says Koel, a student in the city.
Twenty-three-year-old Gaurav affirms, “To say that a person wants to have a girlfriend/boyfriend because of peer pressure is understandable but I don’t think the same can be said for such unfortunate incidents as the acid attack.” As long as we all understand and appreciate our boundaries and respect other’s opinions and choices, and as long as youngsters understand that being in a relationship is about being with someone because the two people want it that way, there is no logical reason why we can’t avoid such mishaps and have some healthy fun, is what many of these youngsters feel.
All in the name of love!
Desi tale of love
Among the numerous gods of the Hindu pantheon, Kamadev is the lord of love.
Kamadeva is represented as a young and handsome winged man who wields a bow and arrows.
His bow is made of sugarcane with a string of honeybees, and his arrows are decorated with five kinds of fragrant flowers. Kamadeva is one of the names and epithets used for Krishna The tradition of Kamadev was buried and the lessons of the Kamasutra were forgotten - then, a decade ago, Valentine’s Day began to make an impression in India.