I keep hearing this in India: “Uff this Valentines Shalentines is all Western stuff.” True, all the hype and pressure and red plastic hearts infantilise a deeper concept if there is one.
What then is love? And why should we celebrate love? Too often love seems the preserve of romantic lovers. Intimacy and passion scream loudly in this type of love and research indicates that in spite of the poetry and ballads of idealisation of the other, it is essentially sexual arousal that is dominant in this kind of love. Yet I saw my parents late in their lives, when sex may no longer be a primary activity, display utter devotion for each other.
Tenderness, fondness, warmth, passion, adoration. These are like beautiful saplings to cultivate inside ourselves. It changes the flavour of how we experience ourselves. And all we know of the world is what we experience inside ourselves. So the starting point of loving any other has to be self-appreciation. Any relationship we have can only be as good as the one we have with ourselves.
So, this Valentine’s, indeed, from today, start noticing this beautiful person who has always been there for you. Invite her in. Have a radical conversation with her about what she really wants in life. Talk to her also about all the times you have not been there for her and explain to her that you see your goals differently now.
Serve her the healthy, nutritious food she loves and notice how fine and wholesome her tastes really are. Let her rest when she needs to but remind her that she has work to do. She has to show up for all the professional and personal invites from the soul. And now that you are together, hand in hand, what a fulfilling journey this is going to be.
Follow the curious directions of the heart and you will never get lost. Love is the only absolute in life. And you are so worthy of your own love.
Anupamaa Dayal
This fashion designer is about happy clothes and happy homes for happy women