CHENNAI: From the time I was in class 2, I was encouraged to participate in various dance programmes at school. My teachers felt I had a tinge of feminine grace. Even for female roles in plays and skits, I was always chosen. In class 11, I wanted to learn to dance professionally. Guru Ponni, a transwoman who takes free classes for the underprivileged and transgenders, took me under her tutelage. It has been seven years now, I have done various dance shows and I am looking forward to my arangetram this year.
I was a woman trapped in a man’s body my whole life. In class 9, I realised I was not like the other boys around me. I was attracted to other boys and felt more comfortable being around girls. It was at this time that I met a transperson, who made me understand the changes in my body. She assured me it was not my fault and that it was natural. When I was in class 11, I started dressing up like girls, and spoke more to girls. I was physically abused at home, and people started talking about me. I remained silent even though I knew my bag was being checked, and my family sent people to follow me around. My family emotionally blackmailed me. I failed in Mathematics during my class 12 boards. I even failed in my re-exam. A topper till then, my dreams of becoming an engineer was shattered. I was neglected, ignored and felt alone. But I decided to face the challenges head-on.
After a gap year, I joined St. Peter’s College, Avadi in 2013. I spent hours poring over library books, took help from teachers, referred to my seniors’ notes and ended up as the topper for four consecutive years. I pursued dance simultaneously. A lot of students in college judged me after seeing my posts on Facebook and WhatsApp. There was a lot of pressure at home too. I suffered an identity crisis. Help came in the form of PeriFerry, when I was in my final year. Neelam Jain, founder of the company, which helps transpersons get employed, understood my situation and took me in. I was a community manager for PeriFerry for six months, during which I met several transpersons and understood their needs. I was given an ultimatum at home.
It was around that time when I got a call saying I had graduated with a gold medal in engineering. I contacted my parents to invite them for convocation but they did not come. It was heartbreaking to be ignored. I went to college clad in a saree and received my degree. It felt liberating — to be how I wanted to.
I decided that I would not beg or go into prostitution. Many transpersons fall into that trap for the want of money — for rent, food, treatment. I wanted to be employed and respected.
Even though I am a gold medalist in engineering, job opportunities were hard to come by. PeriFerry put up a Facebook post about me and I was called for an interview at SPI Cinemas. I joined as a trainee in 2018. I am going to complete a year now and may soon become an employee. I have a debit and credit card in my wallet, a government recognised ID card, salary credited to my account every month. What more do I need?
It isn’t always easy. Right now, I am broke. I get dropped to office by friends and sometimes go to office just for the free lunch. I have adopted a transwoman under the Jamaad system. She is working in TCS now. I want to break the stereotype and set an example for others to follow.