After biryani, the second-best food in Hyderabad comes from north of the Himalayas. Call it Chinese, Asian, or Jackie Chan food if you want to get cancelled. Either way, Hyderabad has been in a long-term relationship with Oriental food.
My first taste of ‘Chinese’ came when my cousin Christy dragged me to a red cart selling chicken fried noodles for Rs 15. Till then, I only knew Maggi. Suddenly, here was chicken wrapped in maida, cabbage pretending to be exotic, and two men who looked like the Dalai Lama in jeans and long hair.
The bandi was near a masjid and I was a devout Chinese lover already, so every time the azaan speaker cried, I was at the noodles bandi. It was Pavlov’s experiment done right — ring the bell, and I was there drooling. Soon it became an addiction. Was it MSG or LSD — who knows?
Then came college, and with it, Cephas. He took me to NanKing and declared, ‘Bro, road Chinese is fake. This is real’. And for Rs 250, I discovered my lifetime favourite Chinese food: American Chop Suey.
It felt like going from gudumba to Johnnie Walker in one bite. Cephas and I had a pact — if I had Rs 120 and he had Rs 130, no discussion was needed. Cephas was my friend in BCom; I still don’t know which is debit and which is credit, but I know where you get the best Chop Suey.
My first date? Chop Suey. My first relationship? Built on crispy noodles, a half-fried egg, and tangy curry. After the breakup, I stopped going — not because the place reminded me of her, but because NanKing’s Chop Suey cannot be finished by one person. Years later, I returned alone just to prove a point. And yes Hyderabad, you all are wrong NanKing has not lost its charm, its Chop Suey is as good and tastes the same, just like Fa Hien liked it.
Then Somajiguda gave Hyderabad its first momo stall — Kathmandu Momos. For Rs 70, I got steamed joy. His name was Prakash — that’s how much I knew about him — and his family was from Darjeeling. Everyone else was a fan too; someone created him a Google ad, a Zomato listing, and way too many positive reviews. Soon unemployed youth from the Old City saw it as a lucrative business. They took mayonnaise from leftover shawarma and fried the momos to compete with punugulu, which created a new fusion dish called disappointment. I tried to protest it but used the wrong hashtag: #SaveTibet.
I had given up the love for food. Then came Priyanka. I thought I’d found someone to share Chop Suey with. But when I suggested Chinese, she said, ‘Have you tried Asian?’ ‘China is in Asia only na’, I replied. ‘By that logic, idli is also an Asian delicacy’, she shot back.
Next thing I knew, I was at Hashi, staring at eight golgappa-sized rice balls for Rs 1,000. But you don’t say that to a girl. You smile, pick up chopsticks, and try to show her that your fingers can handle anything.
I didn’t like sushi at first, but the practice of picking up sushi with chopsticks made me eventually like it. Either way, sushi became my apology currency. She gets mad, I buy her sushi. Or maybe I make her angry just so I don’t have to eat sushi alone.
But soon diminishing marginal utility will apply and I’ll feel like I need something new. Well, there are some Korean places — thanks to K-pop and Kim Jong Un.
In Hyderabad, once you go Oriental… you will surely go mental.
Sandesh
@msgfromsandesh
(This comedian is here to tell funny stories about Hyderabad)
(The writer’s views are his own)