I am a sharer. Always have been. Life gets heavy, words pile up inside, and at some point they just need to come out. I don’t always need a solution. Sometimes I just need to say the thing out loud so my brain can move on to the next disaster.
What I’ve realised is this: people don’t listen to your problems. They audition for them.
You go to them with something simple, something small. And suddenly they’re pitching solutions like they’re on Shark Tank.
Here’s my situation. 75 percent of my problems can be solved with money. The remaining 25 percent can also be solved with money, just slightly more of it. So naturally, when I share that I’m struggling, people respond with suggestions that cost even more money.
I told a friend I was broke. He said, “Bro, invest in a YouTube course.” A paid course. To solve not having money. If I had money for the course, I wouldn’t need the course.
I told someone I was stressed about finances and couldn’t sleep. He said, “Take a week off in Goa.” I don’t need advice. I need UPI.
I didn’t even ask for any of this. I just needed someone to listen. I came with a problem, I got an itinerary.
I think I know why. People are scared you might ask them for money. So instead of helping, they upgrade your problem into a workshop. Nobody gives you fish. Everyone wants to teach you fishing. In a desert.
Relationship advice is even more predictable. Ask a married person — they’ll say don’t get married. Ask a single person — they’ll say just get married. Nobody is advising you. They’re just reviewing their own life.
Career advice doesn’t even wait for you to ask. You can just be sitting quietly and someone will walk up and redesign your entire future. And it never comes from experience. It comes from whatever reel they watched last night.
I once said I didn’t have a job. A guy told me, “Why don’t you work for free? That way they don’t have to pay you but you’ll still have a job.”
That’s not advice. That’s slavery with networking benefits.
I told him I’d rather go make friends with the people of Sentinel Island. They don’t give free advice at least.
Then there are uncles. Uncles don’t give advice, they give business plans.
One uncle — I had gone to a family function, only because my mother forced me — leaned over and said, “Buy one buffalo. Just one. Hire someone to milk it, feed it grass, sell the milk. You do your corporate job on the side.”
I raised an eyebrow.
He said, “Okay, buffalo is too much. Why don’t you start millet farming?”
I had come for a function. I was sitting there because I had no choice. And now I was being asked to consider livestock.
Anyway. I’ve figured out a system. I still share my problems because keeping words inside for too long turns them into poison. But now I give a disclaimer upfront: “I’m not asking for advice. Just listen.”
Problems shared become lighter. Advice shared becomes heavier.
It works about 40 percent of the time. The other 60 percent, someone still recommends a podcast.
Sandesh
@msgfromsandesh
(This comedian is here to tell funny stories about Hyderabad)
(The writer’s views are his own)