There was a time when you were expected to mention your hobbies. Even if you didn’t really have any, you confidently wrote ‘singing, reading, cricket’ in slam books and at the bottom of your resume. Nobody verified. HR never once said, ‘Before we proceed, can you perform one song?’
Hobbies were decorative. Like chicken 65 on biryani. Nobody cared, but it completed the plate.
Now hobbies need a revenue model.
If you cook well, you’re told to start a cloud kitchen.
If you click decent photos, ‘Bro, make an Instagram page’.
If you lose weight, ‘Online coaching?’
If you breathe consistently, ‘Podcast?’
A hobby that doesn’t generate income now feels like poor financial planning.
Earlier, if a friend cooked for you, the conversation was simple.
‘How’s the food?’
‘Delicious’.
End of story.
Now it escalates.
‘Is it good?’
‘Yes’.
‘Restaurant-level?’
‘Maybe?’
‘How much would you pay for this outside?’
I went for dinner. I didn’t know I was entering a funding round.
You planned this biryani for three weeks and rescheduled twice. Now you want to serve 50 plates daily? What happened to your laziness? Your weekend drinking? Are you gonna quit all that ?
And of course I lie.
‘Yes yes, you should totally open a restaurant’.
Because I tasted it once and liked it now I am officially your first investor and last customer.
There’s always one person who binge-watched two seasons of Shark Tank and now speaks only in equity percentages. You make good dosa and suddenly it’s, ‘You’re wasting your talent’.
Even old friends calling feels risky now. Earlier it was nostalgia. Now it’s onboarding.
The conversation begins with ‘How are you?’ and slowly moves to ‘Are you happy with your life?’ and cut to one week you have products of Amway lying in your store room and one friend whose call you will never take.
If you learned Bharatanatyam in school and don’t start weekend classes in your apartment, Nataraja will personally revoke your licence.
People would travel and then come back with stories, now they comeback and ask you have seen my vlog I posted in on my story. If you are a singer you should join a band or
at least release covers on Instagram and gain followers who will comment on hidden talent and keep it hidden. And suddenly what was just a random activity is now under performance improvement plan, until it isn’t upto the standard of instagram user @ rockyiskingoftheworld
What I liked about hobbies was that they were the one place you were allowed to be average. No balance sheet. No pitch deck. No performance review.
Now even your side hustle needs quarterly growth.
The only hobby we’re allowed to be bad at is doom scrolling — watching other people monetise theirs.
Sandesh
@msgfromsandesh
(This comedian is here to tell funny stories about Hyderabad)
(The writer’s views are his own)