Jack Kornfield put it best by observing the closeness between a householder and a spiritual seeker. “The sacrifices of a family are like those of any demanding monastery, offering exactly the same training in renunciation, patience, steadiness, and generosity,” said the 56-year-old teacher in the Vipassana movement of American Theravada Buddhism.
In fact, Gautam Buddha said something similar 2,500 years ago. The Pali Canon quotes him as saying “The household life is a dusty path full of hindrances, while the ascetic life is like the open sky. It is not easy for a man who lives at home to practice the holy life in all its fullness, in all its purity, in all its bright perfection.” Why, Jesus Christ too spoke to his followers to “go sell what you possess and give to the poor…and come follow me.” Is it possible to have a deep spiritual life as a householder, or must you renounce the world—and the family life—to attain liberation?
In a culture that has come to embrace all traditions, even so far as calling itself a “melting pot” of humanity, it is no surprise that there is a new democratisation of spirituality emerging in America. Spirituality has shifted from the extreme of living life in a cave to having a family life with job, children and mindful sex. It has emerged as a movement to marry the sacred with the secular, and at the core lies the practice of meditation.
“…when we speak about spiritual practice, like meditation, for example, we use the word ‘practice’ because it’s practice for living,” says Elizabeth Lesser, author of The New American Spirituality. In other words, practicing meditation prepares you for dealing with a hysterical child, a demanding boss, a mean-spirited co-worker, an inconsiderate spouse, all those situations that come up in life and demand your response.
As a householder, you will face many distractions in your spiritual quest. You need to earn a living, spend time with your family and provide for their material comforts, and find time to do yoga and meditate. The purpose of meditation is to free the mind from attachment. As a householder, you must be willing to completely give up your attachment to the world of ambition, envy, romance, lust for power, greed, hatred and the many other temptations you encounter in life.
True spirituality is not just about attending church on Sunday and then spending the rest of the week fighting with your family and cheating your competition at work. It is difficult and arduous work, and it takes a focused mind to stay the course in our over-stimulated culture.
In the workplace, in the household, and in your interaction with strangers you are consistently challenged to stay true to the principals of right conduct and purity of mind. If you are going to live in the world as a householder, do the work you love to do, but be of service to others as well.
The writer is director of StillPoint Schoolhouse in Blairstown, New Jersey, studying, practising and teaching a holistic lifestyle