Priya Bansal, a Delhi-based HR professional, recalls feeling belittled and dismissed by her husband Nitin (both names changed) throughout their three-year marriage. “He would roll his eyes, sigh heavily, or simply walk away when I tried to express my concerns related to any issue.
It made me question my own worth and left me feeling helpless,” she says. This toxic pattern in their communication dynamics became apparent to the 30-year-old when she sought help from a specialist to address her anxiety.
In the realm of interpersonal conflicts, avoidance is a familiar response to feeling overwhelmed, but when it takes a manipulative form, it’s called ambient coercion. This subtle yet insidious strategy involves dismissive body language such as not making eye contact, tapping the feet, and maintaining a passive-aggressive stance to communicate a lack of interest in the conversation, leaving the other person feeling ignored and invalidated.
It is a manipulative manoeuvre by individuals seeking to gain power or control over others, and a form of abuse that thrives on creating an atmosphere of discomfort, frustration and helplessness in the target.
Though it’s another term for emotional manipulation, ‘ambient coercion’ went viral recently when a TikTok user employed it while posting a video of a couple who had gone for therapy. During the session, as soon as the therapist started listening to the concerns of one person, the other began walking up and down the room.
Though emotional manipulation can come in many forms, such as gaslighting, love bombing, withholding affection or giving someone a cold shoulder, ‘ambient coercers’ are stone-wallers, who dismiss the importance of what is being said, thus hindering effective communication.
“Someone disengaging when the other is trying to hold them accountable or expressing emotions about a topic is a toxic behaviour that invalidates others and erodes relationships,” says Dr Harsha GT, consultant psychiatrist, Manipal Hospital, Yeshwanthpur.
The factors leading to such behaviour can stem from various causes. Insecure attachment during growing-up years is one. “Learned behaviour from observing and imitating sly tactics in their environment contributes to this. Low empathy and a lack of understanding of others’ emotions can make manipulation a go-to strategy for such individuals,” says Dr Rituparna Ghosh, a clinical psychologist at Apollo Hospitals, Navi Mumbai. She adds that certain personality traits like narcissism or sociopathy can amplify the tendencies. The desire for power, fear of rejection or abandonment are other factors that add to toxic behaviour.
Individuals who employ ambient coercion resort to such tactics either to assert control or avoid confrontation. “Some people may be avoidant because dealing with any sort of conflict of opinions or alternative beliefs makes them anxious.
They lack the ability to assimilate multiple perspectives. Hence, they see conflicts as a threat to their ego and sense of self,” says Dr Sneha Sharma, consultant psychiatrist at Aakash Healthcare, New Delhi. Intended or not, addressing ambient coercion begins by calling it out.