You’ve heard it in the movies: ‘Speak now, or forever hold your peace,’ says the priest just before the couple take their wedding vows. If anyone objects to the union, this is their moment to speak up. If they don’t, the wedding goes on as planned.
The practice, which started in the 16th century as a Christian wedding ritual, has died out in real life, and the phrase has left the chapel.
But its underlying logic remains one of the most vital rules for navigating human relationships. When you witness an injustice being done or feel the sting of a personal slight, you are given a choice: you can protest or accept the situation silently.
If you choose the latter, you aren’t just keeping the peace; you are signalling to the world—and the offender—that you’re comfortable with the situation. But remember, there’s no point in complaining later: real life puts an invisible statute of limitations on your grievances, and no one will care. Also, the dignified silence you’re so proud of now will ultimately turn into a slow burn of resentment that’ll devour you from inside.
We see it often enough in the workplace. A colleague takes an idea of yours and passes it off as their own to the boss, who loves it and makes a big deal of it. You are stunned at the betrayal, then angry but don’t want to cause a scene or appear petty. So, you keep quiet and tell yourself you’re being the bigger person and showing grace.
However, three months later, that grace has curdled into a ball of bitter, unyielding anger. You avoid your colleague as much as you can and are cold or downright rude when forced to interact. Eventually, you explode. “Why didn’t you say something then,” your co-workers ask you. You have no answer. Explaining now feels less like a pursuit of justice and more like the nursing of a tired grudge.
This dynamic extends into our social lives too. When it comes to offensive behaviour or casual bigotry, silence is almost always interpreted as validation. Consider a hurtful statement passed off as a ‘harmless’ joke. If you feel hurt but hold your peace to avoid any awkwardness, you are granting that person a licence to continue. Often, people stay quiet to avoid any discomfort in the present, but they don’t realise that the discomfort in the future will be a much heavier burden to bear.
Real-life integrity requires us to be active participants in our own lives. If we do not protest when a boundary is crossed, we are essentially teaching people how to treat us. We cannot reasonably blame others for walking through a door that we left wide open and unbolted.
Of course, speaking up does not necessitate a theatrical outburst or a bridge-burning confrontation. Also, some of us may need an hour, an evening, or even a few days to process the shock of an insult or the complexity of a systemic unfairness.
But whenever it happens, speaking up is a must, both for our own peace of mind and for the offender, who gets a chance to apologise and course-correct before your relationship is ruined forever.
Ultimately, holding your peace should be a conscious choice, not a sentence of silent suffering. If an issue is too trivial to mention, by all means let it go. Don’t store it in an emotional warehouse to use as ammunition in a future war. But if it matters enough to hurt, it matters enough to be exposed while the trail is still warm. This will ensure that the peace you eventually find is authentic, instead of a suppressed form of pain.
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