BENGALURU: Economic pressures, social expectations, and patriarchal norms are profoundly shaping the emotional lives of boys and men in India, leaving many struggling with fear, responsibility, and the weight of family expectations. These issues were at the core of the panel discussion “What Do Men Fear? Peeping into the Male Mind,” held at Bangalore Literature Festival on Saturday.
Speakers Dilip Pattubala, co-founder of the Centre for Men and Boys, South Asia; Kartikeyan V, psychoanalytic and organizational thinker-practitioner; and Sonora Jha, author, delved into the challenges of masculinity in contemporary society.
Kartikeyan V explained that these pressures stem from deep cultural beliefs and highlighted three core dilemmas facing young men today: the tension between belonging and shame, the conflict between the confident “I” and the judged “me”, and the struggle to balance personal desires with family expectations.
Referring to the 2023 Kota student suicides, he said these conflicts can become overwhelming. Many boys, he explained, grow up thinking that admitting failure will disappoint their families or ruin their reputation.
“They’re scared they’ll bring shame to the very people they’re trying so hard to make proud.” Author Sonora Jha, who wrote How to Raise a Feminist Son, argued that feminist values can liberate boys from restrictive norms. She said raising her son as a feminist often drew backlash, but emphasised that feminism teaches boys to express vulnerability, reject rigid masculinity, and understand intersectional privilege. “It’s not mocking men for fear,” she said.
“It’s welcoming them in to a state women and marginalised genders have lived in all their lives.” Dilip Pattubala highlighted how systems around men, especially work, care, and belonging shape their fears. Citing research, he said 75% of India’s 7.5 million gig workers are between 18 and 23, many struggling to find dignity in an unpredictable labour market. In low-income families, he added, men often avoid seeking healthcare because “taking care of themselves feels too expensive.”