Long before body positivity became a hashtag and female-led films were labelled as ‘content-oriented cinema,’ there was Vidya Balan, who unapologetically redefined what a Bollywood heroine could look like. Because acting was never a fallback for the then 20-something-year-old. “There was no Plan B,” she says, facing a cheering audience at the inaugural session of the Alliance Literary Festival – HerStory: Celebrating Naari Shakti on Thursday. There were years of auditions – of being told she didn’t fit the mould, of going home and crying, and still showing up the next morning, Balan continues to reminisce about her early days.
When asked whether some of her powerful characters may have been misunderstood, she turns to the iconic The Dirty Picture (a biopic on veteran actor Silk Smitha). “The film went beyond the body and self. It was her story. There is still a tendency [in me] to feel her pain, to have that craziness, which was not madness; it was a rebellion,” she says. In telling it, Balan shifted the gaze from how a heroine should look to who she is beyond the image.
Portraying Silk Smitha wasn’t simple for Balan. “I had to tap into that part of me that felt rejected. It was a reaction to the rejection she faced from the world, primarily from her mother. It was her rebellion of showing – ‘You may not think I’m good enough, but I know who I am.’”
From the emotionally complex Manjulika to the resilient Vidya Bagchi in Kahaani and the intellect of Shakuntala Devi, her characters, though different in tone, have consistently portrayed strength in various forms. If The Dirty Picture shifted the narrative around her body, Ishqiya shaped her choices and acting trajectory, she says. “When I was confused about the choices I could make, I just felt that conventional films were not offering enough meat. But Ishqiya made me feel so alive as an actor that I decided that going forward, I will only do roles and films that have me completely excited, otherwise it’s not worth it,” Balan notes.
Despite the risks she has taken on screen, off screen too, she carries herself with the same self-assurance, especially when discussing authenticity. “This is who I am. I’m too shameless to be anything but myself. I am genuinely interested in people and I love chatting with them and doing their stories,” the 47-year-old laughs, adding, “Even at home, no matter my accolades, my family treat me like Vidya. So success and failure, I learned early that both must be held lightly.” However, she points to a common misconception about fame. “A lot of times, when people get successful, they become fearful. Suddenly, there’s a lot of insecurity, which is why people protect themselves,” she explains.
At a time when social media feeds consume youngsters with curated perfection, she also points out body image and says, ‘there should be no comparison’. “It’s a lesson I wish someone had told me growing up. We cannot love our body every day, all the time, and that’s okay,” she shares with a smile.
Perhaps the most revealing moment comes when she spoke about her life’s purpose. “Now my only purpose is to be able to love and accept myself completely the way I am by the end of my life. There’s no bigger purpose. I don’t think I’m ever going to change the world. I want to change and better myself every day,” she says.
Addressing the young crowd with a message for parents, she adds, “Many parents live with fear most of the time. They’re trying to correct the wrong that happened in their life through their children. Maybe let our children just flower the way they want to and not close our ears to them.” And with Piya Bole playing in the background, Balan broke into an easy dance with the crowd as a sign-off.