When a homemaker burns out

Lack of help, support, social ideologies of the ‘Griha Lakshmi’ and lack of appreciation are also major factors.

HYDERABAD: Yesterday, (that’s why I thought I must write about this today), a couple in their 50s walked into my OPD. The complaint? “My wife has no interest in housework, she sleeps all day, she’s tired and depressed, she’s fully secure and is a homemaker, she has two wonderful sons. What can she be depressed about? I think she has become too lazy,” said the husband.

“Who helps with the housework,” I asked. “No one, she is a homemaker. She has no job to worry about, so why does she need help?” “How about encouragement and appreciation?” I asked. “We are all working and come home tired. There’s no time for all that,” he said.

So, this is how it is. We believe that burnout happens only to those who are in high-stress and high-profile jobs, but can a homemaker burnout too? Excessive work, caregiving duties and lack of monetary, psychological and emotional resources may lead to burnout. The invisible work that people take for granted, the ambiguity of day-to-day routines -- all these can be major triggers. Lack of help, support, social ideologies of the ‘Griha Lakshmi’ and lack of appreciation are also major factors.

So, if you have always thought that burnouts happen to only working people, isn’t it time to think again? Depression, disenchantment, tiredness, inability to stay focused on family, withdrawal from daily activities, fatigue, mind block, emotional outbursts, anger management issues, insomnia and the inability to enjoy the activities they previously enjoyed are all too familiar signs of a burnout.
Burnout in homemakers can happen at any age.

1. In a newlywed, who has to cater to the new responsibilities and expectations.
2. A mother, who is sleep deprived and tired, but has other responsibilities at home.
3. An educated woman, who is forced to give up her job because her in-laws want a homemaker.
4. A middle-aged woman, who has to wake up at 3 am, to make sure her children study for their exams.
5. A woman in her 40s, who is experiencing menopausal symptoms, but has to do all the work despite the fatigue and hormonal shifts.
6. An elderly woman in her 60s or 70s, who has to wake up at the crack of dawn to cook and care for her husband and grandchildren.

What can one do? My advice to my fellow women:

• Rest when you can.
• Establish some me time.
• Learn to do things on your own, like shopping, watching a movie, etc.
• Teach children to be independent, pack their own lunch boxes, help around the house. Yes, even the boys!
• Keep in touch with friends, establish a support system.
• Be financially independent. Save money, learn to invest and have something to fall back on.
• Get adequate sleep.
• Establish help for home chores and divide the labour.
• Lastly, appreciate yourself.

And, to the rest of the world:

• Never underestimate the value of a homemaker.
• Don’t use phrases such as ‘lazy’, ‘good for nothing’, ‘can’t cook like my mother’, etc.
• Encourage and appreciate all that she does
• Life is all about give and take. Learn to give as much as you receive.

(The author is a consultant psychiatrist at Dhrithi Wellness Clinic, Hyderabad)