I am committed.” I keep hearing this statement frequently from youngsters and surprisingly from school students also. Can you believe sixth graders take pride in stating this? What does this committed claim imply? Is it their time, their love or loyalty? Do they understand that promise and commitment are two different aspects? It is very easy to get confused between the two.
Commitment cannot be a single minded decision, with one partner issuing all the rules and conformities. It needs to be a mutual agreement of needs and requirements for now and for future. Only then, the relationship will have a strong base and open to compromise and discussion. I wonder if what these people mean is as long as we are committed, we own each other and we cannot share a certain degree of friendliness with others, particularly with the opposite sex. This would mean being a possessive partner. It may initially give a euphoria of being smothered with love but eventually can become suffocating.
If you plan to get into a relationship, you need to first assess whether you are looking for a short- or long-term commitment. You need to consider and judge the relationship’s progress honestly before you attempt to discuss any commitments or the future of the relationship. Spend some time getting to know a new partner, figuring out what you like about them and whether you want to keep seeing the person. This is more important than declaring commitment. Only then can you have the desired depth in your relationship. Commitment in a relationship has to be mutual and at levels that both of you can honour and fulfil.
— therapist.saras@gmail.com