Sonali Bendre has come a long way from Aag and Sarfarosh. Though it might be easy to refer to the 40-year-old mother-actor-TV star as a celeb who used to be a ‘yesteryear star’, we found that there’s a whole lot more to her. A firm believer that a mother is every child’s first teacher, Sonali Bendre documents her journey in teaching her son Ranveer character-building habits. In a freewheeling chat before the book The Modern Gurukul officially hit stores, she also spoke about what it took to make the switch from A-List celeb to life coach-author. Excerpts from an animated conversation...
From working with the Khans to being a mother, how much of a changeover has your journey undergone?
I was asked the same question when I started working in television at the peak of my career in Bollywood. It is a preconceived notion that anything that is not Bollywood in India isn’t very promising. But, look how the television industry is thriving today, with so many new experiments and shows. I had chartered my territory then and I did the same when I got pregnant.
Between being an actor, an author and a mother, which role was it that came with the bulk of challenges as well as moments of bittersweet joy?
Family is the source of fulfillment in life. Whatever you do, good or bad, it all boils down to having a good family. Nothing gives me more joy than the company of the people I love. So whatever role I played in life, it was always my family that was close to my heart.
Was it a single moment or a series of moments that led you to write the book The Modern Gurukul?
It was series of observations and discussions. While raising my son, I had a habit of jotting down my mothering experiences in a book — a tattered notebook rather. And I would have long conversations about it with friends and family. They would joke that the book would certainly come in handy when I raise my next kid and I would laugh it off. One day a close friend told me that these experiences should not go to waste and suggested that I write a book on these experiences.
But you did take the leap, didn’t you? How did that happen?
I had a very long year. I took up several projects and then my husband, Goldie, was engaged in another demanding project during which he was mostly occupied over the weekends. So, I told myself that instead of waiting for him the entire day, I can utilise it in doing something productive. Writing a book was the first thing that crossed my mind! I completed writing it in a span of six months.
Was compiling all your experiences in a single book easy?
Not really. There are a barrage of issues that need attention when you actually sit down to write a book—the order of writing it, the correct words and many more. Besides, writing a book needs discipline and I often used to wonder what I have committed myself to. But, the process helped me grow as an individual. Writing the conclusion was the most fulfilling experience of the whole exercise.
The book is out now. How does it feel?
It feels really great. Before taking the final call I gave the manuscript to my husband to read. He told me he has experienced the same things but with a totally different perspective. He said that he could now see the broader picture of being a parent after reading the book and believed that all fathers should experience it. His opinion meant a lot to me.
How was Sonali Bendre as a child?
Obedient or a rebel?
I was a fabulous child (laughs). My mother however would have different things to say about me! (winks).
And what would she say?
She strongly feels that I was the biggest rebel she has ever seen in life. She keeps telling me that I did exactly the opposite of what was asked. But she did appreciate me for being a very active child.
Tell us your most difficult moment as a mother and how you coped with it.
I think the most difficult moment is yet to come in my life. I am sure, I will need another tattered notebook for this soon!
Do you set a limit on your child playing with a Xbox or iPad?
Of course I do. Although, the time of setting the limit is yet to come, I think it will be a big struggle for me, when it actually arrives (grins).
As mentioned in the book, are you still scared that Ranveer (Sonali’s son) might misunderstand your motive behind writing this book?
Absolutely! Even Goldie confessed that he thinks I am putting our child at a big risk. With this book, all the minute details of my motherhood period will be out there which anyone can read, appreciate or criticise. If I am open to criticism, that does not mean that Ranveer will also be. That is one of the drawbacks of writing an honest book.
What was the toughest part of being a mom? With a supportive family and a caring husband, it went off quite easy. But, yes, the toughest part was to write a book out of the experience.
Do you believe in punishment? And what’s your take on corporal punishment?
It would a absolute no from my side. I think a child deserves only a touch of love and nothing else.
Is there a comeback plan?
I have never gone anywhere. I was always there and will be. Any role which is interesting or challenging enough to get me out of my comfort zone will always be something I am game for.