Congress leader Sonia Gandhi initially rejected the idea of becoming prime minister, later gave a hesitant "theek hai" when alliance leaders pressed her to accept the post, but ultimately took a firm decision to turn it down.
Her children, Rahul Gandhi and Priyanka Gandhi Vadra, were opposed to her becoming prime minister, having experienced the trauma of their grandmother Indira Gandhi's assassination and the brutal killing of their father, Rajiv Gandhi.
However, the decision was far from straightforward, Sonia Gandhi writes in her memoir, Belonging: A Journey of Love, released on Tuesday. For the first time, she has revealed details of the inner turmoil that led her to decline the prime minister's post in 2004.
She recalls being torn between two conflicting thoughts: one firmly opposed to taking up the position, while the other urged her to consider her sense of responsibility towards party workers, who would be hurt and disappointed by her refusal.
"Some months before the election, my children and I had discussed the issue of my possible prime ministership. One of them asked me straight out whether I would accept the post, just in case our party pulled off a victory. 'Absolutely not!' I'd said, almost indignantly. 'Are you sure?' they pressed me. 'I'm very clear,' I said emphatically," Gandhi says, recalling the discussion ahead of the 2004 assembly polls.
Neither Rahul nor Priyanka felt she should become prime minister.
"They'd lived through the trauma of their grandmother's assassination and the brutal murder of their father. In their minds, holding that office was intrinsically linked with heightened danger. They looked relieved and I, too, felt lighter, having said my views out loud on the question for the first time. And there the matter rested. I never spoke of it to anyone else," she says in the book.
Gandhi points out that throughout the 2004 election, she had given a noncommittal answer whenever she was asked this question in public.
"Years ago, when I took the first step of the journey that had brought me to this point, I knew in my heart what my husband and my mother-in-law would have expected of me. I had felt an inner call of duty towards them and all that they had fought for throughout their lives. But now I was at sea; I had to search within my troubled self for an answer."
"... My emotions were changing, moment to moment. One minute I was clear, the next, I was torn," she says.
On the hectic parleys and efforts to convince her, Gandhi says it was like a movie in slow motion, the scenes she witnessed moving through her mind's eye.
Talking about a meeting with some of the leaders of the alliance in Rajiv Gandhi's conference room at the far end of her 10, Janpath house, Gandhi recalls that they had been talking in turn, urging her to agree to their proposal while she listened silently.
"As the discussion comes to an end, they look towards me for a response. I muster up as much courage as I can and I say my piece. There is an uproar amongst them, they stand up and move towards me. I, too, stand up. They physically surround me.
"'We will not accept this,' one of them says. 'You cannot take this decision, Madam,' says another. Their tone is forceful, almost aggressive. 'We will not take no for an answer.' I am shaken. I feel overpowered. 'Theek hai,' ('All right,'), I mumble almost inaudibly. The assembled leaders don't even wait for me to finish my sentence, they begin to congratulate me, one by one," says Gandhi.
All this while, she narrates, Priyanka was standing outside the room. Upon hearing her answer, she "tore into the house" to look for Rahul, tears running down her face.
He was in his room when she burst in and told him that their mother had agreed to the leaders' requests, according to the book.
"They're all around her, she's said yes!' 'What has she done! Where is she?' he said, and both of them came striding towards me with perturbed expressions on their faces: my two children who saw themselves as my protectors after the death of their father. I was already exhausted by the vehemence of the alliance leaders; now I had to face them.
"'You said yes?' thundered Rahul. 'They wouldn't listen to me,' I replied, 'I don't want to do it, you know I don't. I was being pressurised.' 'Pressurised? You are being pressurised?' he demanded. 'What about us?' He stormed off, his face clouded with anger. 'Look, Ma, you've always been clear about this,' Priyanka said. 'Don't get forced into it. Do what you've decided to do. We're both here to help you handle it,'" Sonia Gandhi recalls.
Later, she retreated into her bedroom and lay quietly "as always" on her husband's side of the bed, the book says.
"One voice within me said, 'Sonia, this is a ridiculous proposition. You were born and brought up in Italy and here you are, being chosen to lead a nation of more than a billion people at the other end of the world.' "Another voice replied, 'This is your country; you owe your whole adult life and allegiance to it. When you lost the man you loved, it took you in its arms as one of its own. Its people have comforted you and nurtured you through shattering tragedies. How can you abandon your responsibility to those who have placed their faith in you, in your party?" she writes.
Gandhi says a flood of emotions overcame her and she longed for Rajiv's comforting presence.
"As I was drifting into sleep out of sheer exhaustion, my mind suddenly cleared itself of the last shreds of doubt. 'Sonia, be true to yourself,' I could hear myself say. 'You've always known it. Just leave it!' I woke up in a few hours, went straight to my son's room, and knocked on the door.
'I've made up my mind. I'm going to stick to my stand,' I told him. He stepped up to me and with his arms around me said, 'It's the right decision'," she writes.
Gandhi then narrates the dramatic scenes in Parliament when she announced her decision to turn down premiership and nominated Manmohan Singh.
She recalls that speech after speech, she was implored to accept the post.
And as she uttered the fateful words that she would follow her own "inner voice" which told her that she must humbly decline this post, pandemonium erupted.
After briefly being escorted out, Gandhi came back to ask the assembled MPs to let her designate her successor, and when they agreed, she called out the name of Dr. Manmohan Singh.
"I step down from heading the Congress Parliamentary Party and Dr. Singh is nominated as its leader. Once again applause erupts, all of them stand up, some of them shout slogans, some have tears running down their faces. My children stand up too. I notice that they, too, are clapping. I collect my papers from the lectern and walk away. The ordeal is finally over," she says in the book.
(With inputs from PTI)