In Kerala’s many urban hangout spots, something subtle yet meaningful is taking shape. Increasingly, women across age groups are choosing to spend time by themselves, taking themselves out for coffee, unhurried walks, art gallery visits, late-night dinners, or long hours browsing through bookstores.
What once felt unconventional or even socially questionable is gradually becoming a personal act of empowerment, emotional grounding, and self-renewal.
This relatively new phenomenon is called many names — solo dating to masterdating. Across the world, social media is replete with reels of women enjoying outings by themselves, a museum date, a walk through art galleries, trips to many heritage destinations, all spending time with the self.
For women, the solo date is not merely a trend but rather a meaningful cultural practice. Kanchana Krishnan, a film student, agrees. The idea first came to her through a YouTube video. She grew up watching influencers and travel vloggers romanticise the experience of taking themselves out on solo trips and dates.
“I think I subconsciously absorbed it,” she says. “It made everyday life feel more romantic.”
Kanchana began going on solo dates after landing her first job. She started taking herself out to malls, movie theatres, and restaurants. What surprised her was not the act itself but the reactions.
“When I first told people, I noticed men and women reacted very differently,” she recalls. “Women were in awe because many of us grew up with restrictions. Men thought it was normal because they’d always been allowed to go out alone.”
For Kanchana, these outings became more than leisure. “I feel mentally and emotionally free during solo dates,” she says. “I feel empowered.”
Arsha Sugathan, 42, an artist, homemaker and mother of two teenagers, views the solo outings as a pause.
Her days are usually about taking care of her children’s needs, other household responsibilities, and teaching art at a studio. “I naturally experience a lot of stress,” she says. “So going on solo dates is my way of unwinding. Even an hour in nature or a cup of coffee in solitude gives me a sense of relief.”
Her most frequent escape, surprisingly, is the food court at a city mall. “Sitting alone with my thoughts in the middle of that chaos is nice at times,” she laughs.
Arsha also enjoys long, solitary walks. Even her art studio doubles as her haven: “When no students are around, it becomes my peaceful creative space.”
For many, solo dates are a way to connect with themselves in a fast-paced life, where time is eaten away by screens.
Ameesha Faisal, a content writer, felt she wasn’t emotionally in touch with herself. “I didn’t know what I enjoyed anymore. I wanted to learn how to make decisions without outside influence,” says the 23-year-old.
Thus began her dates across towns, busy locations, wandering around smelling the air, touching the grass, in the company of herself.
But the reactions from others were unexpected. “People were confused and surprised,” she says. “They assumed I was lonely or bored. Many even offered to accompany me.”
The idea that she genuinely enjoyed her own company seemed puzzling to them. “Every time I came back from a solo date, I felt happier and more energised. I felt myself growing as a person,” she says.
Art galleries are among her favourite destinations. “I can stare at paintings for hours without anyone rushing me,” she says. Nature walks and bookstore browsing also form part of her curated solitude.
Meanwhile, Anita Varghese, a BBA student, turned to solo dates to regain emotional balance. Constant socialising left her mentally drained.
Solo dates became her way of shifting the focus back to herself. For Anita, solitude is not limited to going out. There are home ‘dates’ as well. “It’s not always about stepping outside,” she says.
“Sometimes I cook myself a late-night meal and watch a comfort movie. Spending time with oneself, for oneself. That’s also a solo date.”
But Zehra Khadeeja, a literature student, found her way into solo dates for entirely different reasons. Her friends and classmates always hung out in large groups, making it almost impossible to match tastes and schedules.
The routine of going from class to home every day, she says, “takes a hit on you mentally”. It was to break that monotony that she began spending time alone.
The confidence boost is one of the biggest rewards, she says. “It feels good to go out alone and not depend on anyone,” she adds.
Zehra’s favourite solo activity is going to the cinemas. “You can really immerse yourself in the cinematic experience,” she says. She also spends long hours at her university library. “I read until they literally have to kick me out,” she laughs.
Cultural shift
Across these stories runs a common thread. Freedom, introspection, and an urgent need to carve out personal space. But what is driving this cultural shift among women?
Psychologist Bindu G Nair believes solo dates can serve as a healthy tool for self-discovery. “It helps us explore aspects of ourselves that we previously ignored,” she explains.
“Women, especially, have not traditionally been encouraged to think about personal space or mental well-being. So this is a significant shift.”
For homemakers and working professionals alike, she says, the solo date is a meaningful form of ‘me time’. It helps individuals understand their boundaries, emotional needs, and inner world.
“The first solo date may require courage. You are confronting the reasons you avoided it in the first place. But once you do it, you wonder why you didn’t start earlier,” she says.
Sanjose A Thomas, Head of the Sociology Department at Sacred Heart College, situates this trend within broader social and technological changes. He notes that the preference for solitude is increasing globally.
Humans are gregarious by nature, he says, referencing the classic sociological understanding that ‘man is a social animal.’
“But with globalisation, people have become more self-sufficient. Our dependency on society has reduced,” he says.
This shift, he adds, has redefined how people view time spent alone. Where earlier generations might have labelled it loneliness, today it is reframed as a desirable choice.
He observes that nuclear families, digital conveniences, and evolving work cultures have all contributed to what he calls a “cabin culture”— a tendency to retreat inward, both physically and emotionally.
“Solo dates have grown out of this context,” he explains. “Our tolerance for others has shrunk.
People prefer spending time by themselves. And many are learning to see themselves as complete individuals, not dependent on others to feel fulfilled.”
This understanding resonates with the experiences of many Malayali women. Beyond the individual stories, the movement also reflects an evolving cultural identity for women in Kerala.
What is striking is how ordinary these settings are.
A crowded mall food court, an art gallery, a cosy café table by the window, a late-night bowl of pasta. Yet their ordinariness is what makes the practice so radical. Solo dates are not about extravagance or escape but about belonging to one’s own life.